Shadow Ataraxia
by Writer of Darkness and Light
Summary: Before she reached him, she saw a sight she would never, in her whole life and afterlife, forget. Even in reincarnation, the sight would haunt her through dreams that punched a hole through realism. The sight of her beloved son, lying by the riverbed, his lifeblood being carried to the canal by the rain. Slipping, slipping, slipping…
1. Chapter 1 - Petrichor

_Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach._

Shadow Ataraxia

Chapter One

Petrichor

'_Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.' _\- "The Art of Happiness" by Dalai Lama

"Kaa-san? What are those things?"

The small boy with a shock of orange hair pointed upwards, at the darkening sky, his large honey brown eyes fixated on the heavens above. He did not turn to look at his mother, but leaned into her pink sweater.

His mother - a beautiful woman with caramel locks and the same honey eyes - smiled at her young son, "What things are you talking about Ichigo?"

Ichigo pouted a bit, but didn't tear his eyes from the sky.

"The bright stuff," he said, gazing at the holes in the curtains of the sky, giving the humans a glimpse at what lay beyond.

"Do you mean the stars?" his mother questioned, a laugh in her voice.

"Stars?" Ichigo grasped her hand tightly.

"Uh-huh. They're called stars."

Ichigo frowned, which looked unnatural on his young, plump face, "What do they do?"

"Well," Masaki kneeled down next to her son, "The stars are very special."

"Special?"

"Yes. The stars bring light to the darkness to guide us, so we can always find our way home," she brought Ichigo to her chest, resting her chin upon his spiky orange head.

"So we can always find our way home? So… they aren't holes?" Ichigo looked skeptical.

His mother laughed, and turned her son around to face her. She ruffled his hair, "No, they aren't holes, they're big balls of fire."

"Fire?! Hey Kaa-san, can I have one?"

"No Ichigo, you'll burn yourself! Besides, you can't touch them, they're far, far above us."

The orange-haired boy scowled this time, "They aren't beyond my reach! I can touch them!"

"Ichi-"

"I'll reach them, Kaa-san, but don't worry. I'll bring one back for you too!" Ichigo then grinned, his face lighting up with newfound resolve. He _would _get a star.

The beautiful woman looked shocked by her son's loud promise for a moment, before smiling wistfully. "Okay Ichigo, but promise me you won't burn yourself."

The boy's grin didn't fade as his mother stood up, and took her hand, "I won't! I promise!"

Masaki shook her head with a smile, and lead her son back into the night.

Karakura Town was as lively as an old dog, with only the rare car passing the mother and son as they made their way home. Though Karakura wasn't free of Yakuza, the gang preferred to slink in alleyways and lick their wounds instead of assaulting random passerby. All was quiet save the sirens in the distance.

Ichigo was very careful not the step on any cracks as they walked, resorting to odd acrobatic feats when simply jumping didn't do the job. His mother sighed when the tiny child weaved through a few garbage cans to bypass a cluster of particularly menacing cracks.

After a few blocks the two caught sight of a modest two-story house, with a sign advertising it as the 'Kurosaki Clinic'. Ichigo began to pull his much taller mother to their home, excited for no other reason than he was a child.

"We're home!" Ichigo yelled the second they entered the Kurosaki Clinic. He kicked off his shoes before bolting off towards the kitchen, leaving a chuckling mother by the door.

Once he caught sight of his father, Ichigo barreled into him, making him lurch. His father was a tall, friendly-looking man, with dark hair and eyes. Isshin stopped stirring the pot on the stove and immediately laughed, hugging his eldest back.

"Hey there Ichigo! You're back from karate, I see."

"Where are Karin-chan and Yuzu-chan, Tou-san?" Ichigo asked, looking up without letting go of his father.

Isshin Kurosaki rolled his eyes at his son's muffled voice, and gently tore away from Ichigo's strong grip, "They're in the sitting room wi-"

Ichigo was gone before Isshin could finish his sentence. The tiny boy ran to the sitting room, going right past Masaki.

The television was on, playing a nonsensical show about talking animals and furniture. On the ground was his youngest sister Yuzu -a young girl with their mother's caramel hair and father's brown eyes- and her twin Karin, who looked like a miniature Isshin, minus the 5 0'clock shadow. They were working on some sort of building block structure, that looked kinda like a castle, with large turrets surrounding the main structure and a series of platforms.

"This part is supposed to float!" Karin complained, messing with the main structure, which was cylindrical, with a cone at the top.

"We can't make it float, Karin-chan," Yuzu pointed out, happily working on the buildings under their castle.

"But it's supposed to!"

Sitting on the couch behind them was their elderly neighbor with pure white hair in a loose bun and almost-violet eyes. Nanami Hasegawa watched the bickering five-year-olds with wise eyes, hands folded in her lap.

"Hi Oba-san!" Ichigo ran up to hug Nanami, who startled a bit as she was caught in a crushing grip.

"Ichigo-kun!" the elderly woman hugged the boy back, "It's good to see you. How's my little karateka?"

Ichigo made a face, "I still can't beat Tatsuki-chan! She's too strong!"

"Now, now," Nanami pulled back, "No one is too strong to beat, Ichigo-kun. It's a matter of skill and experience, yes, but a fight not only judges those two things. A fight tests the strength of your resolve, sense of purpose, and courage. If you can master those last three Ichigo-kun, nothing is beyond your reach. Given time, everything is attainable."

It was clear that Nanami's wise words had gone right through Ichigo, but it didn't matter. He would understand with time.

"Onii-chan!" Yuzu stood up, and promptly tackled her older brother. Ichigo cried out and fell off the couch, taking his giggling sister along with him. Nanami sighed.

"Onii-chan!"

"Get offa me!"

"Onii-chan, did you have fun? Did you beat Tatsuki-chan?"

"Yuzu-chan, Get off!"

Yuzu finally complied to her brother's wishes, and Ichigo sighed in relief.

"Onii-chan, Yuzu-chan, don't you think this should float?" Karin inquired from a safe distance away, pointing at the cylindrical stacked building blocks.

"Huh?" the orange-haired boy assessed the structure, then frowned, "Yeah. Why isn't it?"

"Blocks can't float, Ichigo-kun," Nanami put in her two cents.

"It's supposed to float, though."

"Hey, Onii-chan?!" Yuzu asked suddenly, drawing her brother's attention.

"Yeah?"

"Can you make a fort with us tomorrow?"

"Sure, Yuzu-chan-"

"Kids, Nanami-san, dinner's ready!" Masaki's voice came from the kitchen, making all three children bolt out of the room.

"Oh, why do children feel the need to run so much?" the elderly woman huffed, hauling herself up.

The dining table was brimming with delicious and pungent food. Noodles, curry, cherries and steamed vegetables elicited the children's watering mouths. Before Isshin or Masaki could stop them, the three began to inhale their food. Nanami shook her head and joined the table.

The five Kurosakis and friend dug in, chopsticks clacking and only Nanami and Masaki stopping to properly digest their food.

"-and he said he was bitten by a tiger! He was bitten by a cat, a cat!" Isshin roared in laughter, his children following suit. Masaki giggled and shook her head.

"I don't think there _are _any tigers in Karakura Town," Masaki said.

"Nope! We don't even have a zoo!"

"Hey, Tou-san! What do tigers look like?" Karin asked, a stray noodle falling out of her mouth. Masaki reached over and wiped the sauce on her chin off with a napkin.

"Well, they do kinda look like big cats, except with orange and black stripes and big, pointy teeth!" Isshin mimed giant teeth rather violently, making Yuzu duck behind her older brother's seat, and both Karin and Ichigo to flinched back.

Before their mother could reprimand their father, Nanami patted Yuzu and asked, "Have you three ever been to a zoo?"

The children shook their heads, Karin looking especially intrigued.

"Well, if you ever have time off from school, and if you have permission, I can drive you three to Tokyo to see the zoo."

The idea was an instant hit, with Ichigo and Yuzu accepting and Karin downright whooping for joy.

"Kaa-san?" Ichigo said.

"Yes, only if it's not on a school day."

They cheered and returned attention to their food. The adults discussed recent medical discoveries, and everything was good.

Nanami left later on, hugging each child and returning home. The twins -rubbing their eyes and whining- were put to bed. Soon, it was Ichigo's turn.

Ichigo's room was disorganized, with scribbled-on papers, books, and random debris covering the ground. Through the window over the bed was Karakura Town, a sea of lights and peaceful homes. The bright-haired child sagged into his bed, a yawn on his lips.

"Goodnight little protector," Masaki whispered as she kissed her son's forehead. He grinned sleepily up at his mother, honey brown eyes adoring. Isshin, after Masaki, brushed the spiky hair from his son's face with loving smile. The moonlight filtering in through the window made the entire room be bathed in silver light.

"Sleep well, son."

They began to walk out, but turned back to gaze at their young child when he spoke.

"Hey Tou-san? Wanna know what?" Ichigo asked softly.

"What, son?"

"I'm gonna touch the stars."

Isshin grinned. "You better bring me back a star."

"Okay," he yawned sleepily, drifting off, "I'll bring one back for you, and Kaa-san, and Karin-chan and Yuzu-chan and Oba-san and Tatsuki-chan…"

Ichigo fell asleep in the silver light, leaving his mother and father to watch over him.

* * *

Ichigo pouted as he kicked at the water drifting past his feet. His toes tingled in the cold water, turning slightly red. The day was a humid one, especially for early June; the sun was blinding Ichigo, even more so when it bounced up off the water.

Ichigo was upset, he had lost yet another match against his best friend, Tatsuki Arisawa. No matter how hard he tried to punch and kick her, the fight always ended with him on the floor in tears and Tatsuki trying in vain to cheer him up. He didn't like that at all, but he couldn't resent Tatsuki, she was too nice for Ichigo to resent.

But it still irked Ichigo that he couldn't manage to beat her even once. His mother said that karate isn't about beating people, that it was about learning new things and having fun. Though the bright-haired boy was a bit skeptical, he took his Kaa-san's words to heart and worked more on learning and having fun than anything else. But still, he was bothered.

The boy startled as he suddenly found himself not touching the ground, suspended in air. There was a pressure around his neck, his shirt fighting against him. Ichigo cried out and flailed, beating his tiny fists.

"Ha, whatcha doin', midget?" A blond boy leered at the much smaller child, his strong hand lifting Ichigo by the back of his shirt.

"You all sad 'cause of how stupid you are?" Another boy with acne growing on his forehead and a grin added.

"L-let me go, meanies!" Ichigo struggled against the strong hold on his shirt, but to no avail.

"We asked you a question," the blond kid shook the younger child, not letting any flailing arms or legs touch him.

"Yeah," the third and final boy said, standing far back from his supposed friends, pale eyes drooping with reluctance.

"Let me go! I didn't do anything!" Ichigo yelled, not being in the state of mind to deal with their demands.

"Stop your struggling, brat! Or we'll have to teach you a lesson!"

"C'mon kid, that all you got? You're as weak as you look."

"Um, guys?"

"Let me go!"

"Shut up, kid!"

"Give 'em a black eye, Hiko, that'll teach him!"

"Guys!"

"Wha-"

Before Hiko could finish his question, his head snapped to the side painfully, dropping Ichigo in the process. The orange-haired child fell on his bottom, and stared up in wonder and Tatsuki's fist connected with Hiko's face a second time.

"Get away from him!" The dark-eyed girl yelled, brandishing a fist in the older boy's face.

"Why'd you punch me?! I'll show you a lesson, mite," before Hiko could attempt anything, the droopy-eyed boy put a hand on his forearm, shaking his head violently.

"No no no, we can't hit girls, Ienari-san!" he said.

"Pah, this _thing _is a girl?" the acne-covered boy snickered. He stopped and squeaked when Tatsuki's foot kicked him between the legs.

"Oi!" Hiko made a grab for the girl's shirt but Tatsuki twisted away, stepping on the fallen child's chest in the process, prompting another cry of pain, "You little-"

"Ienari-san, we should go!" The third boy pleaded, shooting a look at the girl that currently stood proudly with her back to Ichigo.

"I'm not gonna run away from a little brat!"

"Help… me…" the fallen boy groaned.

"T-tatsuki-chan…" Ichigo breathed, big honey-colored eyes wide as he looked up at his savior.

Tatsuki twirled around angrily to face her best friend, annoyance etched on her face.

"How many times do I need to tell you, don't call me that! I'm not a little girl, you can just call me Tatsuki!"

Ichigo either was too stunned to comprehend or simply ignored her words, just staring up at her with his rapidly tearing eyes.

"No! I am done with the waterworks, Ichigo!"

"B-but you saved me Tatsuki-chan…" he blubbered.

"Will you cut that out?"

Ichigo opened his mouth to say something, but the words were lost when the blond child was suddenly right behind Tatsuki, a fist raised.

"Tatsuki-chan!"

His fist was about to connect with the female nine-year-old's head, when the older boy's hand was stopped by an unmoving force.

"Yare, yare… how violent…"

The five children- two of which still sat on the ground- all looked at Hiko's fist in amazement, wondering exactly how a simple cane could stop his punch.

"Who are you?" Ichigo was the first to move eyes to look at the newcomer, and was immediately puzzled. Who in their right mind would wear such an ugly hat?

"Oh, I don't matter. What we should care about is why exactly Ugly-san is trying to hit Karateka-san," The man kept his cane in place, his hat shadowing his eyes.

"What do you want, old man?" Hiko growled, not removing his fist from the cane.

"Didn't I just say?"

Hiko's face went blank with puzzlement, eyebrows scrunching together. Tatsuki stepped away from the cane to stand by Ichigo, who still hadn't stood up. The two other boys stood rooted to their spots.

"Um, Hat-n-Cane-san?" the third boy said hesitantly, "We're really sorry for causing you trouble… um… we were just playing, but it got out of hand."

"Out of hand?" the man lowered his cane, eyes still veiled, "Quite."

"Look, I don't know why you're bothering with us, but this is our business," Hiko said stubbornly, crossing his arms.

"Ienari-sa-"

"Shut up, Kusumoto!"

"You should always listen to your friends," the oddly dressed man's voice had gotten noticeably darker, making a shiver run up Ichigo's spine. "Go. _Now_."

The three left quite quickly after that, Hiko fuming, Kusumoto running, and the acne-covered boy limping.

The man watched them leave for a long moment, and Ichigo thought he saw a flash of darkened grey, before it flitted away.

"Yare, yare… quite an adventure we've had, eh?" the man turned to face Tatsuki and Ichigo, who both stared back with awe in their eyes.

"Can you teach me to do that?" Tatsuki asked excitedly.

"Thank you," Ichigo whispered.

"No thank-yous are needed, Orange-san, and not yet Karateka-san," the man sounded amused, and tilted his hat forward.

"You two, try not to get into fights until you can handle them, hear me? And none of that," 'Hat-n-Cane-san' looked down at Ichigo, and bent down to his level.

"Huh?" Ichigo asked, bewildered.

"When someone threatens something you care about, you can't just sit quietly and wait for help. At times, you must fight."

The man stood back up and began to walk away, into the darkening day, "And next time I see you, be honest. Don't hesitate to tell me you don't like my hat."

Ichigo flushed crimson, and looked down at the ground in hot shame. Tatsuki snickered, then sat next to the boy.

"Well, I didn't like his hat, either."

* * *

The dojo was bathed in a rich orange light, the floorboards glossy and air crisp. Sounds of laughter and grunts filled the room, as white-clothed children wrestled and traded blows. Out near an open sliding door was a young bright-haired boy, who watched his opponent with nervous anticipation. Said opponent, a dark-haired girl who watched lackadaisically, waited patiently for the boy to start.

Suddenly, the boy came barreling forward, a fist raised. He roared his frustration and didn't even seem fazed when a hand shot out and caught his fist, before twisting it. The boy's face contorted, and tears sprung in his eyes.

"Tatsuki-chan… that hurts!" Ichigo whined, fidgeting.

Tatsuki let him go, before pushing him back. The boy stumbled and fell on his bottom, now was preparing to bawl.

"Ichigo, why do you cry when you can fight?" Tatsuki sighed.

'_That man from yesterday told me to fight, not cry. I can't, she's too strong! Oba-san is wrong, I can't beat her!_' Ichigo thought, wiping at his blooming tears. '_No, I gotta try again, for Kaa-san and Tou-san and Oba-san and Karin-chan and Yuzu-chan...'_

Ichigo slowly stood back up, dropping into the position his sensei always had to enforce on him. Tatsuki must have seen something, because she sank fluidly into her own starting position.

The honey-eyed boy ran forward again, focused only on his opponent, and what a horrible mistake that would be on a real battlefield.

Tatsuki ducked under Ichigo's punch, then rammed an elbow into Ichigo's stomach. To her surprise, the boy didn't recoil and cry as per usual.

A little hand gripped her by the hair, and another shot forward and nicked her throat, before she could retreat. Tatsuki kicked Ichigo's shin hard, and the boy yelped, tumbling back to the ground.

"Jeez Ichigo, where'd you learn that?" Tatsuki inquired, rubbing her throat without an ounce of pain on her face. She looked down at her best friend curiously, excitement bubbling inside her. Ichigo had finally manned up to fight her!

Ichigo sat still for a long moment, orange hair shadowing his eyes. Tatsuki frowned and leaned forward, worried.

"Ichigo, are you-"

Then Ichigo began to cry big blubbery tears, face reddened and wiping furiously at his eyes. Tatsuki stared at him for a long moment, before sighing heavily.

Ichigo would never change.

"Ichigo?"

The boy immediately stiffened, sobs stopping. The boy turned to look at his beautiful mother, who stood at the entrance of the dojo. Watery eyes lit up with delight, and the child popped up and made a beeline for Masaki Kurosaki.

"Kaa-san!" Ichigo hugged her tightly, still crying a bit.

"How's my little protector?" Masaki asked, smiling softly down at her son.

"I'm great, Kaa-san! Guess what?"

"What?"

"I got Tatsuki-chan today!" he said proudly.

"You did not! You just nicked my neck. You _nicked _it!" Tatsuki protested, running up to the two Kurosakis.

"Nuh-uh, I got you!"

"Did not!"

"I did though!" Ichigo looked on the verge of tears again, pouting and gripping his mother's hand tighter.

"It's okay, Ichigo, Tatsuki-chan," his mother said, kneeling to their level, "Whether Ichigo 'got you' or not, what I care about is whether you two had fun. Hm?"

Ichigo and Tatsuki shared a look of complete understanding and both grinned at Masaki, though Ichigo's was rather goofy.

"Yep!"

"Good," Masaki stood back up and turned to leave, but not before smiling at Tatsuki and saying: "Goodbye, Tatsuki-chan. Have a nice evening."

"Bye Tatsuki-chan! I'll see you tomorrow, and just you wait! I have something new I'm gonna try!" Ichigo called to his best friend.

"Okay! Bye Ichigo, bye Masaki-san!"

And so they left.

The sky was dark when they exited the dojo. Black clouds drifted serenely in the late evening sky, concealing the crescent moon from sight. Rain fell hesitantly from the heavens, as if unsure of it's purpose.

The mother and son walked leisurely a few meters away from an abnormally violent canal, grass squelching under their shoes. The tiny boy hummed and skipped whilst holding his Kaa-san's hand, drinking up all that was around him with childish fervor.

The rain began to fall more consistently, light, but an annoyance.

Neither noticed the dark foreboding hanging in the air like a corpse.

The honey-eyed woman reached into her brown purse with a sigh, pulling out an umbrella. Suddenly, her head snapped up, light eyes widening. Masaki loosened her grip on her oblivious son's hand for a second.

A second was all it took.

A girl, seemingly the same age as the orange-haired child, with dark eyes and hair, stood at the very edge of the canal, which now roared like a blood-thirsty beast. The dark child turned to glance at Ichigo, before swaying, as if losing her balance.

"Get away from there!" The boy shouted, bolting off towards the dark girl.

"NO!" Masaki yelled, panic Ichigo had never heard before in her voice. The umbrella hit the wet, grassy ground as the mother tore off after her son, crying his name urgently.

The little boy heard his mother, but continued to run purposely toward the other child, the word of the man with a cane flashing through his head: '_You can't just sit quietly and wait for help'._

Ichigo stumbled as he reached the girl, but it was too late. The dark-eyed girl was falling.

He missed the smile on the girl's face.

Rain crushed the darkened canal, falling with such an intensity the boy's arms felt like they were bruising. The river raged and roared, but he didn't hear it. The only thing he heard was his mother's voice.

"-IGO, RUN AW-"

A flash of silver and he looked up. Long crescents glinted with moonlight, and time was suspended for a moment. He could see his mother in the corner of his vision, golden hair matted with rain and honey eyes wide in panic. Time returned to its normal pace and the crescents of moonlight descended like a scythe.

Pain erupted in the boy's side, and he was in air. He cried out as he hit the cruel ground, and screamed. Blood and mud and tears and rain were all the same thing…

A monster.

It was covered in dark mossy fur, which was drenched and matted. A sinisterly grinning mask glared down at him, the white bone starkly contrasting the black night. It had a giant hole in it's chest and a long cord attached to it's head. At the end of the cord was the little dark-haired child, hanging limply on the rope.

_Horrible and horrible and horrible, forever._

The world went black.

_To be continued..._


	2. Chapter 2 - Vicissitude

_Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach… or the Dreamtime Fairies._

Shadow Ataraxia

Chapter Two

Vicissitude

'_You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?' - _"Majora's Mask", the Legend of Zelda franchise

Ryūken Ishida was, for the first time in a long while, very, very frustrated. He was naturally cool-headed, and he held logic closer than his own son. He would usually never get so agitated, usually only reckless, senseless Shinigami and his status as a Quincy could irritate him. This though, was an exception.

He'd treated countless patients in his life, many in fatal condition, some not. He'd performed surgeries on the heart, kidneys, lungs, brain, and so many different things. He'd treated simple flus, deadly infections, cancers, broken bones, and every once and a while, corns. In his career, people had died. Young and old, male and female, in comas and in surgery. Sometimes he even caught the last words of said people. This death should be depressing, it should be a blow to his heart and his pride. But this death was too different. His friend's and cousin's son was playing in a whole other field.

The boy was not merely dying. He was slowly slipping away, his own body collapsing in on itself… this death was too painful, too personal. He couldn't watch this boy, this boy with Masaki's smile and eyes, slowly fall to oblivion. He knew the boy would be in the Soul Society soon enough, but would likely not remember his loving family, and not remember his love for them.

But, he would not remember the pain of a slow death either.

_Slipping, slipping, slipping…_

He didn't know very much about the boy, he knew he had younger twin sisters, he was roughly the age of his own son, and that Masaki and Isshin loved him deeply. He also knew the most obvious fact, that the young boy had preposterous bright orange hair.

He was well aware of how the boy managed to reach such a mangled state. Masaki and her son had been attacked by a Hollow, Grand Fisher. The Hollow had managed to rip out a large amount of the child's organs before Masaki was able to kill it.

The truth was, Grand Fisher should have an easy kill for Masaki, being a powerful Echt Quincy should've guaranteed the Hollow's defeat. But it didn't. They still didn't know why she couldn't protect her son and got so beat up, since she was still in a stable, yet unconscious, condition.

The boy was in a horrid condition. He had many bone fractures, part of his rib cage was utterly crushed, and he had a ruptured right kidney, the left was missed by a hair's breadth. Because of these injuries, his body was internally bleeding, which was even worse considering he already suffered severe blood loss. Most of the blood loss was caused by the deep gashes in his side, looking eerily like they were caused by sharp claws. Damn Hollow. The worst of these injuries though, was the liver. The Hollow's claws had to be long, at least four-inches in length. Meaning, when he tore into the boy's stomach, it cut deeply into his liver and practically destroyed nearly 75% of the right hepatic lobe. The liver is a vital organ, he _cannot _live without it. It's truly a miracle he's still alive. No, not a miracle. A miracle doesn't make you stay alive, so you can slowly, painfully, slip away without any means to survive, or any means to end quickly.

He tried. If there is a God, he knows Ryūken tried. He attempted to stop the internal bleeding. He removed the damaged part of the liver and his whole right kidney. He tried and tried and tried…

'_'Tis a lesson you should heed, if at first you don't succeed, Try, try again.'_

And he did. He tried to stop the blood, cleaned and stitched up his gashes, he did everything. But everything isn't always enough.

Isshin Kurosaki was in a worst state than the Quincy. He was frantically and fearfully pacing outside his son's operation room, his forgotten doctor's coat hiding his shaking hands. Ryūken could dimly understand, having worried for someone close to him dying in the past. The former Shiba stopped dead once he caught sight of the Ishida, solemnly watching him from the, now closed, operation room door. Isshin stared for a few moments, taking in his grave expression and darkened eyes.

"My son…?" Isshin's voice was unnaturally calm and monotone, clearly a result of trying to keep his feelings in check.

Ryūken couldn't lie to him "He's in a fatal condition. His chances of surviving are slim at best."

Isshin's face crumpled. His usually happy-go-lucky smirk was gone… no, _dead _would be a better word for it. Kurosaki hung his head, staring quietly at his shoes.

Ryūken ran a callused hand through his tame light blue locks, an unusual gesture from him.

"He has suffered a massive amount of blood loss from his wounds on his right side, said wounds have caused injury to one of his kidneys and liver. The kidney wouldn't be much of a problem, considering he only needs one, but the liver is vital, and gravely damaged. The right part of his rib cage and many separate bones in his body were shattered, and he is internally bleeding," Ryūken reported grimly "I have removed his right kidney and the damaged part of his liver, but his rib cage has caved in, and the internal bleeding isn't stopping. I'm sorry."

Isshin didn't say anything. Rain pounded against the hospital building. He didn't look up from the ground, and Ryūken watched as hopeless tears hit the tile floor of hospital.

* * *

Nanami Hasegawa was worried. Usually, the retired school teacher wouldn't get anxious, being used to dangerous situations, having once lived in a horrid neighborhood with gangs and a fair amount of illegal drug dealers. Once she moved to Karakura, she became an elementary school teacher, and had to deal with stressful circumstances with the children, once she even was assaulted by an abusive parent. Her late husband worked with the military, so she grew nervous for him almost daily. Because of these events in her life, she had a strong defense against worry. But this, this had her worried.

She had been preparing her bedtime tea when a loud, obnoxious knocking came from the door. Understandably, she was annoyed. It was nine 0'clock at night for heaven's sake. She stormed to the door and threw it open angrily, to be shocked when the sight of a desperate Isshin greeted her.

The elderly woman had always liked the Kurosakis. Even though the noisy, blithe father sometimes grated her steeled nerves, sweet Masaki was always there to even him out. Sometimes, their little, orange-haired son would come over and tell her about his day, often not telling his parents and causing them to go into a frenzy. She adored him and his delightful little twin sisters, Karin and Yuzu.

All Isshin told her was that there was an emergency and he would be grateful if she would watch over the twins. She accepted, but was curious and concerned, why couldn't Masaki take care of the twins? Where was their son? The twins, only five years old, didn't have a clue, but did tell her their Tou-san was very upset, and they didn't know where Kaa-san or Onii-chan were. That didn't sound good.

Karin and Yuzu Kurosaki were adorable girls. Karin took after her father, with her dark hair and slanted eyes, and Yuzu like her mother, with light hair and calming presence. Karin was a loud child, who stomped around like an elephant and needed attention from others often. She, like her sister, was hurt easily, and needed a comforting hand when such happened. Yuzu was calmer than her sister, and sweet as cake. She would help her more rowdy sister when she was hurt and in tears, and seemed to have a perpetual smile on her face. But Yuzu _could not _stay in one place though, exactly like her sister. So, the girls _could not _just sit in front of the television like she asked them too. No chance.

She honestly wasn't surprised that when she exited the bathroom, she found the _sweet and adorable _twins rummaging through her cupboards and throwing cans, bowls, cups, chopsticks, boxes of cereal, and packs of ramen all over her once pristine kitchen.

For some reason, Nanami thought she would get a reasonable answer from the five-year-olds.

"What are you _doing_?" She weakly questioned, staring at the girls in mild astonishment.

Karin answered first. "Building a fort."

Silence.

"Onii-chan said we could build a fort with him today, so we're starting it," Yuzu stated, beginning to stack some cans. She suddenly looked embarrassed. "Sorry we didn't invite you, you were gone."

Nanami watched silently as the Kurosaki twins started to make an unstable wall of her food, chopsticks, and dining chairs. She couldn't help but wonder if they'd act like this when they were older, still making forts of others' belongings inside their own home. After ten minutes of watching the semi-fortress collapse over and over, she reluctantly helped them, thanking her experience as a kindergarten teacher for her patience and endurance. After a half-an-hour of performing a balancing act with her bowls and cans of fruit, breaking a few cups, snapping a ridiculous amount of chopsticks, calming the crying girls when a tower fell yet again, and almost breaking a dining chair _twice, _the twins were satisfied with their creation.

It was a grand structure, with chair doorways; meat, soup, and fruit can pillars; walls of bowls, cups, duct tape, tea packages, and pillows; an unstable roof of blankets and the cause of many of Nanami's blooming bruises, and the corner by the sink hosted a pile of broken glass and wood. On the tile ground were Hasegawa's couch pillows, a few already sporting hot chocolate stains from the girls' unsteady hands. The fort took up Nanami's entire small kitchen, from the refrigerator to the stove. Nanami knew that she and the twins couldn't touch the wobbly walls without making the entire fort flop onto the ground, and she was well aware of how unappealing it looked and how much of her tableware and unlucky boxes it broke… but she couldn't help but love their creation.

"It's pretty!" Yuzu proclaimed, pointing dramatically at the fortress.

"Yep," Karin agreed, nodding her approval. "but… I hope everybody can come to see it…"

Yuzu's smile melded into a tiny frown. "Onii-chan didn't get to help… They'll need to see it… right Oba-tan?"

Nanami gave the girls an uncertain grin. "Of course, now it's sleepy time for little girls," she declared, scooping the tiny twins up.

"I'm not little!" Karin protested heatedly, squirming.

"Little compared to me," The old woman's grin grew cheeky.

Yuzu struggled along with her sister, complaining about 'not being sleepy' and Karin about 'being crushed'. Nanami didn't loosen her grip.

When she arrived in the guest room, she let go of the objecting twins, who immediately bolted for the door. No luck.

With a lot of convincing and bribing, both girls settled onto the pink, flowery guest bed. Karin crossed her arms unhappily and Yuzu looked up at Nanami with big, chocolate brown, puppy-dog eyes.

"Read us a story Oba-tan?" She asked desperately.

Nanami, steeled to a normal child's 'puppy-dog eyes', caved in.

"Read us a monster story!" Karin demanded, bouncing a bit.

"No monster stories," The retired teacher vetoed, shaking her head.

"Tou-san reads us monster stories!" Karin said scowling, an unnatural look on her face. Nanami silently wondered what exactly Isshin had read to them.

"No."

"Can you read us a story about fairies?" Yuzu requested softly, snuggling deeper into the covers. Nanami knew just the book. After a few minutes, she returned with her story and sat on the bed, near Yuzu. They both looked at her expectantly, eyes wide and mouths closed.

Nanami held up the book. It was a thin dark blue one, with drawings of fairies and a winged dog. In large yellow writing it said : '_The Dreamtime Fairies_'

"Sounds weird," Karin assessed, just as Yuzu said: "It's so cute!"

"Hush," Nanami commanded gently, opening the book.

"_Lucy loved to tell stories. She told deep-blue-sea stories to Mom, flying-up-high-in-the-sky stories to Dad, and magic stories to her brother, Jamie._"

Nanami could understand them being bored by the story. She could see them being excited, or sleepy. The last thing she thought the girls would do was cry. Big blubbery tears and very loud, very miserable sobs. The elderly woman was shocked at the twins' abrupt change in attitude. Karin cried into the covers, while Yuzu cried into her sister's shirt. It took her a few moments to understand why.

They miss their family.

"It's okay," Nanami comforted the twins tenderly, one hand stroking Karin's back, the other on Yuzu's head. "You'll see them tomorrow, this is only for tonight. They'll come get you two and see that wonderful fortress you two made."

"You promise?" Karin sobbed, looking up at her with teary eyes. "Kaa-san, Tou-san, and Onii-chan?"

"I promise," The retired teacher reassured, smiling warmly. The girls quieted and let her continue the story.

"_But best of all were the bedtime stories she told Bear. Lucy loved bedtime. She'd hug Bear and whisper stories until they fell asleep. But poor Jamie hated bedtime. He'd toss and turn with Floppy Rabbit and see things in the shadows on the ceiling._"

Both girls curiously looked up at the ceiling of the guest room, and squinted as they tried to see what Jamie saw.

"I don't see anything," Karin whispered to her sister, like it was something Nanami shouldn't hear.

"_One night when Jamie was wide awake again, Lucy told him, "Bear can't sleep either. We need to find the Dreamtime Fairies. They'll help us." So Lucy, Bear, Jamie, and Floppy Rabbit flew far away across the ocean to the land where fairies live."_

"Oba-tan, where do fairies live?" Yuzu inquired, shuffling in the bed.

"I don't know Yuzu-chan, probably far away like the story says. Or maybe they're close… I guess you'll have to find them."

Both girls perked up at the idea, Yuzu imagining the land of the Dreamtime Fairies and Karin thinking up ways to catch them.

"Enough interruptions now, let's see what happens to Lucy and Jamie."

"_They landed on a rock. "Turtle!" said Jamie. "We can't sleep," said Lucy, "so we're looking for the fairies." "The Dreamtime Fairies?" said turtle. "They're very shy. You'll have to look very hard to find them. Turtles sleep in the sun- why don't you?" "We could try," Lucy said, and they all lay in the sun. Turtle fell asleep, and Bear and Floppy Rabbit fell asleep, but… "Too hot!" said Jamie. "Come on," said Lucy, "let's find the fairies." "_

The girls were soon fully engrossed in the book, carefully examining every picture wide-eyed and slowly sinking further into the bed. Soon, Lucy and Jamie had more animals following them, and helping them find the Dreamtime Fairies.

"_So Lucy, Jamie, Bear, Floppy Rabbit, Turtle, Tiger, and Foxy followed the path as it twisted and turned. Down into the forest, down into the darkness, deep down to where the shadows grow."_

"Shadows grow?" Karin asked sleepily. She was shushed.

"_Jamie thought he saw something in the shadows… "Fairies," whispered Jamie."_

"The fairies!" Yuzu exclaimed. She was shushed.

"_First there was one shimmer, then another, and another… until soon the fairies were all around, swooping and dancing and laughing. Everyone danced and played as the fairies fluttered and twinkled."_

Karin and Yuzu smiled drowsily, rubbing their eyes and enjoying the story, previous sorrow forgotten. Nanami grinned at the two as the leaned into each other and struggled to stay awake.

"_"There's no need to be afraid of the shadows, Jamie," said Lucy, "because that's where the Dreamtime Fairies fly."_"

Another groggy smile from the girls, barely awake now.

"_And then they fell onto a pile of soft leaves covered in fairy shadows. The fairies fluttered and twinkled and worked their Dreamtime magic. And one by one, first Jamie, then Floppy Rabbit, then Turtle, Tiger, and Foxy, then Bear, and then finally Lucy… gently drifted into the magic of sweet dreams._"

The two fell asleep, with Yuzu's head resting on Karin's shoulder, both wrapped in soft, pink and yellow blankets that felt to them like the soft leaves covered in fairy shadows. Neither knew what was happening that night. Neither knew everything would change, starting tonight. That the shadows that would haunt them and hurt them didn't always hide Dreamtime Fairies. They didn't know that though, so their dreams were sweet and filled to the brim with fairies, magic, homemade fortresses, their family and Nana-chan, and _not _the rain that pounded outside.

Nanami sighed a bit when the Kurosaki twins fell into slumber, and closed _Dreamtime Fairies. _She stood and walked out the guest room, taking one more moment to watch the tiny girls dream peacefully, before closing the door and letting her happy mask fall.

'Isshin-san…' she put a clammy hand on her forehead, worn out and still anxious. She'd made sure to check the house phone often, to be sure she hadn't missed a call that could've had to do with Isshin's desperation and obvious fear. She prayed Masaki and their little carrot-top were okay, selfishly hoping Isshin was worried for some other patient. Nanami looked up, and met herself.

Across the hall, she saw herself in the mirror. Greenish rings around her eyes, making her violet eyes stand out, worry lines scarring her forehead, her silver-brown hair hanging of her head more like yarn than locks. She stared. A life-time of stressful work gave her a perpetual agitated look, her once porcelain smooth face deeply wrinkled. she frowned, then fled to the kitchen.

Her sigh was almost physical it was so heavy. She didn't know _what _she was going to do about the kitchen. She checked the phone. No calls.

'Whatever is happening,' she thought 'I hope everyone is okay…'

* * *

Isshin didn't know what to do. He knew that if his son died, he would go to the Soul Society, so things could be worse, considering there was a chance he could see him again, which was more of a relief than most humans get. But even if he knew he would see his son again, _his son would die._

In Rukongai, he wouldn't be able to grow up with his family, never see his little sisters grow beside him or see his parents go old. He may never eat or drink, and have to fight to survive every day. He wouldn't get an education or get a proper job. His son will likely not have the chance to raise a family, and have grandchildren. He may never be able to go to festivals or go shopping. He may never cry at funerals or celebrate a birth. He wouldn't remember the living world or Masaki, Karin, Yuzu, Nanami, Tatsuki, or himself. His son wouldn't be able to _live._

The nine-year-old already looked dead. He looked like grass-tinted snow, pale and greenish. Of course, he was unmoving, like a corpse. According to the electrocardiogram, his heart was still beating, but Isshin couldn't see his son's chest moving _at all. _His bright orange hair was matted against his forehead from sweat, and the color seemed to have dimmed to that of a fading sunset… slowing dipping below the horizon, as the sky turned pitch black.

He could feel Ryūken's presence. Not just from reiatsu, but something else entirely. Isshin continued to kneel by his son's bedside, not looking back to see his reluctant friend.

"Is there anything else we can do?" Isshin asked steadily, gripping his son's limp hand, "Urahara?"

Ryūken didn't say anything for a long moment. "Urahara didn't have anything for us. He says your son is too far gone. Though I wish I could do more to help, I can't help but agree. He's not going to make it, Kurosaki."

…

"Dammit," Isshin tried not to let his slipping calmness go, but he could feel the shaking returning and horrid, horrid dread.

_Slipping, slipping, slipping…_

He couldn't handle seeing this. His and Masaki's son, slowly slipping and fading under the horizon. No… please not his son. _'Take me instead_,' Isshin thought, his eyes never leaving his son's corpse-like face. _'Please, not him_.'

Isshin couldn't choose though. He was no god. Without a moment's hesitation he would switch their places, but he couldn't. He doubted even the Soul King could do such a thing. His son was beyond even Unohana's help. It was written in fate. His son was going to die. Slowly…

_Slipping, slipping, slipping…_

* * *

Kisuke Urahara was troubled, something rare for the apathetic scientist. He still remembered the day he told Isshin Shiba he needed to stay with Masaki Kurosaki, or she would turn into a hollow. He remembered being heavily shocked when Isshin interrupted his explanation with a simple, 'Got it. Let's do this.'

He also remembered seeing their first-born son for the first time, a tiny baby with bright orange hair that neither of his parents had and the second he could, a large smile like his mother's. He also noted the reiatsu signature of the boy, not very strong or potent, but already stronger than most humans, and enough to attract hollows. Also enough to scream 'POTENTIAL!' at him. With proper training, the kid could grow to be of a seated officer's power… or much higher, considering his ancestry.

But now… the boy's reiatsu signature was almost nonexistent. It slowly faded and faded into nothing, to a point where now, it was barely a candle's flame. He knew a Hollow attacked Masaki and her son, and he also knew that somehow, Masaki wasn't in fatal condition like her son was. Something must have happened, something that made Masaki unable to attack the Hollow properly. What could it be… unless… no… not _him_…

"You feel it, don't you?"

Kisuke looked to the right, to meet the yellow eyes of a black cat. He gave her a rare look, one that wasn't playful or mocking in the slightest. Rain poured with dark meaning beyond his deck.

"He's going to die," Yoruichi affirmed solemnly, shaking her head. "Only nine years, just a blink for us."

"Yes… there is nothing we can do, he's hanging on to the edge of death and…"

"Slipping," Yoruichi finished for him.

…

"I should have confronted the Hollow when I felt it," Urahara confessed, lowering his bucket hat to hide his face. Silently he thought, '_I should've done something when I saw him yesterday, should've warned him in some way_.'

"You wouldn't have gotten there in time. Even if you did, what's done is done, Kisuke."

"…Yes. You're right Yoruichi."

They felt it at the same time, a small candle flickered out.

_What's done is done._

* * *

Masaki Kurosaki was in darkness. It was a cold, inky darkness. The Quincy felt a slightly familiar sensation come over her, reminding her of the long ago day when Isshin saved her from the Hollow inside her.

Though it was dimmed, she could feel a throbbing in her head and pain in her arm. It hurt.

She wasn't completely sure what was happening. The last thing she remembered was… what did she last remember? She had been walking… to… a river?

_Blood, mud, rain, orange hair, white masks, and blood._

She started. No… she was walking… walking by a canal… there was a small hand in hers… no…

_She screamed for him to stop as he rushed to the girl she knew was a lure. The Hollow grinned down at her son through it's mocking mask ,and with great satisfaction, Grand Fisher swiped at the little boy she loved more than the world. The Hollow's claws raked through the small child's stomach, causing him to shriek in terror as he was sent flying. Before Masaki could activate her Hirenkyaku, his small body hit the ground._

_With unspeakable rage and fear, she flashed to her son's side on the muddy ground and created a reishi bow. Then it fizzled out. Grand Fisher smirked. Masaki stared in horror at where her bow once was. How…?_

_"__A Quincy… well that will surely be much sweeter than a dull, human soul__," The Hollow laughed, stepping closer to the mother and son. Masaki had to protect him, no matter the cost. Whether it was her life or her soul, she would protect her son._

_With great effort, she summoned her bow again… just as the hollow swiped at her. She tried to activate Blut Vene, but her power wasn't responding. This granted her a painful blow to her left arm. No doubt broken within moments._

_Using only her right hand, she shot arrow after arrow, being cautious of his quick, sonido fast, swipes. Arrow after arrow, arm, leg, head, shoulder, eye, mask… her shots hit true, and the Grand Fisher roared in pain._

_"__Just stop this silly game of cat and mouse… I promise I'll eat the boy first and save _you _for dessert, woman__."_

_Masaki was now being drenched by the rain that came when the sky opened. _Rain, rain, go away…

_She made sure to steer the Grand Fisher away from her son, and that she was always between the Hollow and him. There was roaring in her ears, though she made sure not to let the Hollow know, lest he decide to make her son the main target._

_Finally, with one last difficult gathering of reishi, the Hollow disappeared, screaming curses._

_Without a moment's hesitation she ran towards her son, the edges of her eyes burning and blurring. Before she reached him, she saw a sight she would never, in her whole life and afterlife, forget. Even in reincarnation, the sight would haunt her through dreams that punched a hole through realism. The sight of her beloved son, lying by the riverbed, his lifeblood being carried to canal by the rain._

_Slipping, slipping, slipping…_

Masaki knew something was horribly wrong… something she knew would shatter her soul into pieces. Though not awake she could feel it. A reiatsu flickering away.

_Slipping, slipping, slipping..._

* * *

Isshin and Ryūken knew it was going to happen. They weren't prepared, but they both knew it would happen as certainly as they knew the sun would rise tomorrow. Still, shock burst into both of them at what happened.

The hand in Isshin's hand clenched his firmly, and each, if you asked, would swear on their life that they heard a whisper from the boy's mouth then… the electrocardiogram flat-lined, and the hand in Isshin's wilted.

_Slipping..._

Ichigo Kurosaki slipped away.

_To be continued…_


	3. Chapter 3 - Chthonic

_Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach_

Shadow Ataraxia

Chapter Three

Chthonic

'_The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins?' _\- "The Premature Burial" by Edgar Allan Poe

Everything was black.

Ichigo wasn't sure what was going on. '_Where is Kaa-san? Where am I?_' He thought, and was spooked when he found that he couldn't move. His arms and legs seemed to be made of lead, and there was an aching pain in his chest, like his heart was trying to rip through it.

He also wondered, when he began to wake, what that buzzing noise that came from everything around him was? Or was it the nothing around him? It buzzed inside his head and all around him, growing louder and louder.

Shapes began to form in the blackness of the nowhere Ichigo resided. Odd shapes that were unfamiliar to the boy. The shadows writhed and began to come together into a humanoid figure.

The figure was pitch black, with skin that resembled armor and arms that looked more like large blades. In the center of it's chest was what looked to be a hole that had been filled up by a white substance. Pale hair swayed in a nonexistent breeze. Wickedly sharp horns protruded from it's head, Ichigo could barely see them in the blackness.

"Hello?" the orange-haired boy asked hesitantly, stepping forward a bit. Could that thing help him?

Ever so slowly, the figure turned.

It's mask was the same stark white as the rain of before, grinning maliciously in the darkness. Golden eyes seemed to strike the little boy, and he choked.

Agony in his chest made Ichigo _scream _as he never had before. He clawed at his chest, trying to release the white-hot beast rampaging inside him. The being's golden eyes never left Ichigo as he pulled at the chain connected to his chest, trying in vain to take it off_. _The links of the chain began to erode before the boy's eyes, burning fire raged in his veins, something felt oddly cold in the very center of his chest…

_Get it off. Please. Help me. It hurts. I don't want to. Please. Help me. Why? I don't understand. Help. No. PLEASE._

And it was gone. The little boy collapsed. Ichigo didn't understand, he wanted his Kaa-san. He knew Kaa-san could make the pain go away.

Ichigo looked back up at the being who had yet to move or speak.

"H-hel-hello? Wh… what was that? Do… do you know where we are?"

The being stayed silent.

"Pl-please… Where are we?"

The being tilted it's head to the side slightly, as if not understanding the bright-eyed child.

"Do you know where my mama is?"

The being tilted it's head even farther to the side, and the child copied it, now even more confused.

"Who are you?"

Farther to the side.

"Are you like the monster from before? Your face kinda looks like the monster's…"

Farther.

"No you can't be like the monster… you're too nice."

The head tilt now looked painful.

Ichigo frowned, and untilted his head. The black thing wasn't going to help him… did the being need help?

"Do you need help White-Mask-san? Are you stuck here like me?"

Ichigo concluded that the being wasn't human; no human could cock their head at that angle.

The honey-eyed boy examined his surroundings, and pouted. There was only pitch black darkness in every direction, no roads or furniture or lampposts or desks or mats or animals or _anything _except the white masked being.

Ichigo felt the ground (it wasn't hot or cold, and didn't seem to have any texture), he walked in random directions (he never seemed to get anywhere) and tried to elicit answers from the being (he stopped when he thought the it's head may come off). The buzzing sound had become less prominent, but still somewhere deep in his head.

Finally, Ichigo sat by the being, on the verge of tears. Where was he supposed to be? He was with his Kaa-san on the way home and…

That's it, stars!

Ichigo looked up and began to cry when he saw there were no stars in the sky. Would he ever find his way home? Kaa-san told him that they would light up the darkness, but there wasn't a single light in the sky. He was lost. He couldn't hug a tree like Kaa-san told him to do when he was lost. He couldn't do _anything_.

Ichigo pulled his knees to his chest and sobbed, trembling and choking on tears. He would never see Kaa-san or Tou-san or Karin-chan or Yuzu-chan or Tatsuki-chan or Oba-san again…

The child froze when he felt air be displaced beside him.

He turned his tearful face to look at the being, which sat rigidly next to him, it's fear-inducing mask somehow seeming softer than before.

"White-Mask-san, do you have family, too?"

The being said nothing, simply gazing at him with it's striking golden eyes.

"I do. I have Kaa-san and Tou-san and my little sisters Karin-chan and Yuzu-chan. Kaa-san is pretty and kind and nice and I love her a lot. She loves me too. So does Tou-san, he's really silly but I like him too. Karin-chan and Yuzu-chan are great, though Karin-chan is always trying to get me to play with her and Yuzu-chan almost kills me when she hugs me… Tatsuki-chan is really great, too! But she beats me every time we fight at the dojo… but she always helps me when the bullies are mean to me! She's so nice... Oba-san! She always listens when I talk and smells like the flowers Kaa-san planted in our garden!" Ichigo babbled on about anything and everything on his mind, from family to friends to school to his town to what was happening before he came there.

"The girl fell into the water- I hope she's okay- and then my side really hurt. The monster was giant and furry, but not good-furry like bunnies or dogs or cats, but bad-furry and gross. I don't know where Kaa-san was, but she was probably about to fix my tummy and get me away from the monster. But then I was here with you. Where are we?"

The being gazed at Ichigo, maybe thinking about something, but the orange-haired boy wasn't sure. It was always thinking, Ichigo guessed.

"It's okay if you don't want to say. Is this place special to you? Is it your home? It doesn't look like a very nice home, how do you eat or sleep or use the potty?"

The being was still thinking.

"Okay, that's alright. I'm sure you have a way, don't you? It's okay if you don't wanna show me, I've seen other people's homes, I don't need to see yours. Kaa-san says that home is where your… something… is. Your-"

Ichigo screamed again as the familiar raging pain took control of his body. _No, no, no_. He writhed and pulled on the chain connected to his chest. _Why is it there?_ The links began to erode again, screaming, and the little boy cried and tried with all his soul to rip the chain off his chest.

The being watched him and moved forward towards the boy.

Through his screams Ichigo managed to say; "Please help me!"

White-Mask's eyes glinted dangerously, then raised it's blade arm into the air, preparing to sever the chain's connection to the boy's chest.

_And so fell the sword of fate._

White engulfed the world.

* * *

Breakfast was depressing and mirthless at the Urahara Shōten the next morning. The rain had not receded, but was not as violent as the night before, settling for patting against the roof. Three people sat at the round, wooden table in the center of the room. One was Kisuke Urahara, who sat placidly at the table, eyes hidden by his striped hat and sipping his tea. Another was Yoruichi Shihōin who ate her curry while scowling bad-temperedly, her purple hair down and messy. The last was Tessai Tsukabishi, who did not eat or speak, sitting silently.

It had been that way for hours, ever since the little nine-year-old boy had died. Though Yoruichi and Tessai had never met Ichigo Kurosaki, they were both relatively close to Isshin Kurosaki, otherwise known as the father of a presently dead child.

Kisuke hadn't spoken since Ichigo's death, reminiscing the faraway memory of yesterday. The small child had been so innocent, as he should have been. His tears flowed freely, he had a close friend, and Kisuke could see the potential in the boy. He could see the possibility of great things. Great things that could never come to light.

_What's done is done._

Directly after the young boy's death, Yoruichi had contacted the low-rank Shinigami that patrolled Karakura Town - Rukia Kuchiki - and asked her to be on the lookout for a tiny boy with bright orange hair. She had been understandably confused, but complied as a favor for the exiled Shinigami. Not that she knew Yoruichi was the former Onmitsukidō captain.

And so the three exiles sat, not one completely sure what to do next. They'd covered the necessary bases, but there was still an empty feeling about the Shōten.

"Yoruichi."

The noble cat-woman paused mid-bite, yellow eyes flicking to the shopkeeper's steel grey ones.

"Yes, Kisuke?"

"Has Kurosaki-san picked up his daughters yet?" the blond exile inquired, setting his tea on the table.

Yoruichi looked at him from the corner of her eye, scowl deepening. "Shinigami can sense reiatsu, baka. You know he hasn't."

"I know that," Kisuke drawled, batting a hand, "I was wondering whether or not we should go get them, in case they are needing attention."

"They do not know us, Boss," Tessai spoke up, shaking his head, "They are in Hasegawa-san's hands, I'm sure they do not need attention."

Kisuke sighed dramatically, tipping his hat up to look at his friends fully, "I know, I know… I thought maybe I could break the news to them a bit more softly than their mourning father."

Yoruichi set down her bowl of stir fry to glare at her closest friend, "He has the right to tell them himself, Kisuke!"

Kisuke -instead of cheerfully brushing her off- looked solemn. "I know, Yoruichi. But I don't think he could stand to tell them."

All three of the inhabitants of the Urahara Shōten looked away from each other.

"Fine then. I'll tell the twins Kisuke, you'll just scare them," Yoruichi shunpoed away before Kisuke could comment, but was followed by the shopkeeper moments after.

Tessai sat in the silence of the shop, eyes closed behind his glasses.

* * *

Nanami Hasegawa almost jumped out of her skin when someone knocked on her front door.

The twins had woken up incredibly energetic and ready to maul any food in their sight, forcing the elderly woman to have to navigate her way through her dramatically altered kitchen to locate her waffle-maker. They now sat at Hasegawa's only clear table, gobbling waffles like ravaging wolves. The breeze coming from her window smelt of petrichor, and the light drizzle served to calm Nanami's frayed nerves. She had been preparing to throw the girls outside when a loud rap resonated through her home.

"Coming!" Nanami yelled, her shock giving way to a nerve-wracking mixture of anxiety and relief.

When she opened the door, she frowned slightly.

"Yes?" Nanami questioned, gazing confusedly at the beautiful and strange-looking woman and oddly dressed man.

"Good morning Hasegawa-san. We are friends of the Kurosakis. I'm Kisuke Urahara and this is Yoruichi Shihōin," the blond man introduced them, tipping his hat so Nanami could see his face fully.

Nanami visibly wilted, a burden finally lifted. Isshin and Masaki had told Nanami that if two people named Kisuke or Yoruichi came by, she could trust them. Though under normal circumstances she would be on guard, her nerves were frayed to the point of unraveling.

"A pleasure to meet you Urahara-san, Shihōin-san. I have heard many good things about you two from Isshin-san and Masaki-san. Please, come in," the retired teacher stepped aside to let them inside.

"The pleasure is ours Hasegawa-san."

Kisuke and Yoruichi followed Nanami inside, and were met by the curious stares of two fraternal twins.

"Karin-chan, Yuzu-chan, this is Urahara-san and Shihōin-san."

Karin mumbled her 'hello' tiredly and Yuzu cheerfully greeted the two.

"Hasegawa-san, would you mind if I talked to the girls separately?" Yoruichi inquired politely, giving the other woman a meaningful look.

"Yes, of course," Nanami agreed, perplexed by the noble's intense gaze.

The purple-haired woman herded the puzzled girls upstairs, nodding at her companion after the girls were in the bedroom.

Nanami sat on a couch, then gestured for Kisuke to sit down too. He sat, his expression morphing once he saw the twins were gone. The elderly woman was stunned by the grim expression on the man's face, grey eyes dark and frown etched. Her mind immediately flashed to the memory of the eyes of the man who had to be the one to tell her her husband was not coming home after the war. Nanami braced herself, folding her hands over her skirt.

"Hasegawa-san, I will be blunt and tell you Yoruichi and I have come here this morning to pick Karin-san and Yuzu-san up, for their father is currently unable to," Kisuke announced softly.

"What? Is Isshin-san okay?" Nanami questioned worriedly.

Kisuke smiled mirthlessly, "Well, it depends on how you look at it. Isshin-san is fine physically, but emotionally… he is not."

"What happened? Please, Urahara-san, what happened to Isshin-san?"

"Last night Masaki-san and Ichigo-san left the dojo where Ichigo-san practices karate, at about seven. They were walking along the canal on the way home when they were attacked."

"What?! Are they alright?!" Nanami interrupted, raising a wrinkled hand to her mouth. No, not again...

Kisuke did not acknowledge her question, "The attacker is, as of right now, unknown, but both Masaki-san and Ichigo-san sustained injuries. Both were unconscious when they were found by a passing citizen at eight pm. Said citizen called 911 and Masaki-san and Ichigo-san were taken to the Karakura Hospital. Isshin got a call from a friend of his that is a doctor at the hospital, and left Karin-san and Yuzu-san with you."

"How are they?" Nanami inquired fiercely.

"Masaki-san is stable and should wake up sometime today or tomorrow. She did not sustain any lasting injuries."

Nanami sighed in relief, smiling. They were okay… then she noticed how Urahara's expression was still utterly serious and grim, "And… and Ichigo-kun?"

"Ichigo-san was taken to the hospital with his mother, but his injuries were much more severe. He passed away at about one this morning."

The old woman froze, staring at the messenger in shock.

"He… Ichigo-kun is…" She choked, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Yes. Isshin-san is still in shock and cannot come to pick up his daughters. That is why we have come, along with informing you of his son's passing," Kisuke's eyes were shadowed again, and his clenched hands white.

Nanami watched the man for a moment, then felt a burning feeling in her eyes.

Upstairs, someone screamed.

* * *

"No! NO! No, no, no!" Karin shouted, glaring fiercely at the yellow-eyed woman sitting somberly in her chair.

"Karin-chan-"

"NO! Onii-chan is NOT dead! You're lying!" The dark-haired girl yelled in Yoruichi's face.

Yuzu sat on the ground, tears rolling at a steady pace down her reddening face.

"No…" Yuzu whispered, her arms wrapped around her chest.

"Onii-chan can't die you meanie!" Karin punched a framed photo of Nanami's late husband, causing glass pieces to go flying and blood to bloom on the little girl's fist. Karin cried out, clutching her injured hand and tears falling.

"Karin-chan, I am not lying to you," Yoruichi promised, grasping the girl's hand on picking out glass shards, "Ichigo-kun passed away last night, and he's not coming back. I'm so sorry Karin-chan, Yuzu-chan."

Yuzu whimpered, hugging her sister suddenly, "Karin-chan… Onii-chan is… gone?"

Karin sobbed abruptly, hugging her twin tightly.

Yoruichi watched the twins cry over their older brother's death, and closed her eyes in pain. The Kurosakis were scarred, and nothing was going to change that.

* * *

The desert was like a dream.

White sands as pure as snow stretched as far as the eye could see, and seemed to shimmer and move like a sentient being. In the pitch black was a shining crescent moon, majestic in it's everlasting light. Bare trees adorned the landscape, skeleton hands reaching to touch the unmoving moon. In the far distance, what seemed to be a palace peeked over the dunes, so magnificent it must be a mirage.

The desert was like a nightmare.

Inhuman screams resounded, so dreadful they could not be real. The metallic scent of blood suffused the air. Creatures with terrible masks and holes where their hearts should be wandered aimlessly, before screeching and engaging another in combat.

_Horrible and horrible and horrible, forever._

Ichigo shivered from his hiding place behind a bare white tree, terrified and hungry. He didn't know what was going on. He was with his mother… his tummy hurt… there was a monster… the white-masked being tilted his head… a midnight-black blade descended, preparing to cut the chain connected to his chest…

Ichigo frowned. There was a chain connected to his chest? The little boy looked down, and bit back a scream when he saw his chest.

There was a hole in it.

The orange-haired boy floundered, then touched the edge of the hole gingerly, before flinching back.

It was real. There was a hole in his chest.

Another monster howled in the distance, and Ichigo shuddered, shutting his eyes tightly.

It felt strange having a hole in his chest, which didn't hurt or sting. Ichigo's chest simply felt… empty. He could vaguely feel a breeze passing through the hole, tiny specks of sand floating through unhindered. There was an odd throbbing in his head, like there was something inside trying to come out. He also felt extremely hungry. No, starving.

Ichigo opened his eyes again, looking around. All he could see was sand and dead trees and the structure in the distance, no monsters in sight. The boy stood up, not knowing where he was going to find food, but understanding that he needed to find some.

'_I wonder if that castle has food… maybe the king can tell me where I am… maybe he has chicken and curry and dango and ramen and...' _As Ichigo thought about what might be in the palace, he grew hungrier and hungrier. And much more desperate.

Ichigo set off in the direction of the castle, not noticing that his stomach wasn't the source of his hunger. His chest was. Specifically, the hole in his chest.

Honestly, Ichigo - in his hunger and confusion - wasn't noticing much of anything. He didn't feel how odd his face felt, covered by a mask. He didn't see the claws at the tips of his fingers, or the lizard-like tail swaying lazily behind him. He didn't even notice how he was not walking on two feet, but on all fours. His eyesight was sharper than before, and Ichigo couldn't see the way his eyes didn't glint brown, but an eerie gold on black. Ichigo didn't even know that if he saw himself, he would soon not even care he was a monster.

As Ichigo walked toward the palace, he wondered what his mother was doing, and if Tatsuki-chan was going to karate without him, what if someone tried to hit him and she wasn't there to chase them away? Would Tou-san have new patients today? What if Yuzu-chan didn't have anyone to hug, and what if Karin-chan had to play alone? He needed to get home soon, he hoped they weren't worried about him. No, they couldn't be worried. It wasn't like he was gone forever.

After what felt like hours heading toward the palace, his hunger growing every moment, Ichigo stopped, a spark of anger igniting. He didn't look remotely closer to the castle, it seemed just as far away as before. Why wasn't he there yet? He wanted to eat!

"Has a little lizard gotten lost?"

Ichigo froze.

"Tch, wha' a weak little thing yeh are. Yeh can 'ave 'im Rines," A second warped voice scoffed.

The orange-haired boy turned, golden eyes fearful.

The monsters were large, one with a canine figure, with rough grey skin and a mask resembling a ski mask, and the other dark green with tentacle-like arms and a rhino skull covering his face. Each had large holes through their chests. They both leered down at the smaller being, like a bird to a worm.

Ichigo backed half a meter away, so terrified he couldn't make a sound. '_What did the monster mean, he can have me_?'

"Seems we got a particularly dumb one, eh? Can't even speak. How pathetic," one said to the other, slowly stalking toward Ichigo.

"Meh, this one was prolly a baby er something. Doesn' ma'er, 'e's not gonna be much of a meal either way with spiri'ual power like that. I reckon one of those wee birdies in th' Menos Fores' prolly tastes be'er," The dark green monster hissed, looking in a different direction than his companion and the scared boy.

The canine-like creature laughed distortedly, "You're just upset I took the last little Hollow. No need for pouting, you can have the next one."

"M' not pou'in'!" the dark green monster screeched, turning on Rines.

"I'm just playing Krak," the canine-like monster chuckled, turning back to Ichigo, who unfortunately did not take the opportunity to run away, "I'll eat the pipsqueak and we can report back to Bulleye-sama."

"Not like there's anythin' ter repor' abou', 'Ueco Mundo 'as been oddly quie' since Barragan los' ter th' Shinigami," Krak pointed out.

"Doesn't matter, now shut up for a moment," Suddenly, the monster named Rines was in front of Ichigo, jaws open to clamp around the young boy's head.

Ichigo cried out, ducking backward just in time, though not fast enough to avoid the grey monster's nastily sharp teeth. The orange-haired child screamed as molten pain surfaced on his face, where teeth had scraped his… mask?

The golden-eyed boy crumpled on the sand, a clawed hand feeling the small scrape in his mask. Why was there a mask on his face?

"Missed 'im," Krak observed snarkily, quivering with mirth.

"Shut up!" Rines shouted at the other creature, voice venomous.

"Yare, yare, yer th' one who called 'im weak an' pathe'ic. Who's weak an' pathe'ic now?"

"I can very well eat you next."

Ichigo stood up, still rubbing the scraped spot on his mask. There was a mask on his face, covering the area from his forehead to the tip of his chin. Why? He didn't remember putting on a mask. Wait, the monsters were wearing masks too… and there were holes in their chests...

"'Ea' me'? Yeh wouldn' be able ter scra'ch me, baka."

"Ha! Wanna go Kraky?"

"Anytime ya fuckin' bas'ard!"

'_My fingers are pointy… I'm hungry… and I have… a tail?!_' The small boy looks wondrously at the white and red tail protruding from his lower back, both in awe and fearful, '_There's a mask on my face and I can't take it off- I'm so hungry- I can't take it off! I'm starving! I need food! It's not coming OFF!'_

"Tch, then-"

Ichigo screamed throatily, pulling at the mask covering his face. The two monsters -who had claws unsheathed and ready to tear into each other- turned to face the much smaller being in surprise, already having forgotten the boy's existence.

"Kuso! What's he screeching about?" Rines mused, perplexed and in a mild state of shock.

"Dunno. Think 'e jus' realized we're 'ere ter ea' 'im?" Krak inquired curiously, cocking his head slightly to his companion, who seemed to shrug, though he didn't move.

"I'm… so hungry…" Ichigo murmured, his voice distorted and wavering inhumanly.

"So, he does speak," the canine-like creature walked forward to confront the little boy, but stopped at the sound of the dark green monster's voice.

"Yeh already 'ad yer turn. I'll ea' 'im."

One of Krak's tentacles shot forward, looping around the bright-haired child's neck. The boy made a choked noise as he was hung in midair, suspended by his throat. The young child thrashed wildly, and tears dripping from the holes in his bone mask, an iniquitous sight.

"Oh… the little baby Hollow is _crying…_" Rines chuckled darkly as Ichigo was held to their height.

"Bulleye-sama is expec'in' our repor' in a few 'ours… we 'ave time ter kill," Krak's grinning mask turned to look at Rines, who scoffed.

"Not like we're gonna get a proper meal outta him, might as well."

The tentacle's grip tightened on the boy's throat and he stopped thrashing, instead prying at the slimey green limb with his claws. Ichigo couldn't stop the tears from slipping out of his golden eyes, unable to cope with his newfound air shortage.

"This is boring, suffocating is no fun, let me try," before Krak or Ichigo could protest, Rines had the orange-haired throat, digging into the pale, soft skin with his own talons. Three streams of crimson blood dribbled down Ichigo's pale neck and onto this pure white armor, the same shade of red as the markings circling his tail and arms. The small child cried, before choking again when his breath was cut short.

"Oi! 'E's me kill, not yers!" the dark green monster protested irritably, hissing at his companion.

"I'm not killing him," Rines brushed the other creature off, favoring his torture of the child, "I'm _playing_."

The edges of Ichigo's vision were black, his vision tunneling. The monsters' features became hazy in his mind, blurring to a point all the boy could see was masses of color. '_Kaa-san… Tatsuki-chan..._'

Then, he was free. Ichigo hit the sand coughing violently, the sound of Hollow screams in his ears. Warm blood was flung onto the pure sand directly in front of Ichigo, making the boy's mind blank in shock and fear. Slowly, he looked up.

The bodies of Rines and Krak were no more than mangled heaps of bloody flesh, on which the new Hollow feasted on. It was feline in nature, white as the sand with electric blue eyes that pierced the trembling child.

"Tch… too weak to waste time on…" the Hollow murmured, padding away from Ichigo. The boy watched the Hollow and gazed at the two dead bodies, before running as fast as he could. Running, running, forever running from the truth.

_Horrible and horrible and horrible, forever._

_To be continued..._


	4. Chapter 4 - Requiem

_Thank You: princessanastasiaromanov576, wyrrell, youbadoobadooba, Blackseal84, Ctornello, God of Spirits-Spirit Black, and the Guests_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach_

Shadow Ataraxia

Chapter Four

Requiem

'_Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal'_ -a headstone in Ireland

The sky was a dull grey as the leftover rain clinging to the grass seeped into her black dress. Thick mud caked her new, once shiny, shoes, but Yuzu Kurosaki didn't care. There weren't any fairies to help her sleep in the dark night. Her Onii-chan was dead.

The acquaintances left a few minutes ago, murmuring condolences and regrets. The little blond girl had recognized a few of them, but she didn't care. People around her cried and grieved, but she only felt a twisted satisfaction. '_Good_,' she thought, '_No one deserves to be happy when Onii-chan is gone_.'

Karin, who stood next to Yuzu's kneeled form, was racking with sobs, trying to keep from collapsing as her sister had. Her brown eyes were as dark as an abyss, her face sallow. Yuzu's five-year-old twin wore her baggy black dress, for once not doing everything in her power to change into pants.

Surprisingly, Yuzu had not fallen onto the grass in tears. No, the warm-hearted girl was still stuck in a state of shock, not letting herself feel the pain. Yuzu locked up all her feelings in a gilded box, somewhere in the numb blackness of her mind. All she felt was a disconnected and watered down rage.

Isshin Kurosaki looked no better than his daughters, pale and his face a canvas painted with unadulterated pain. The man stared at his eldest's coffin unresponsively, holding his wife tightly in a half-hug. His black suit was old and dusty, looking highly uncomfortable on the man.

The mother of two -once a mother of three- had not spoken a word since she had awoken a few days ago, to the news of her son's passing. Masaki stood with her honey eyes shadowed by blond bangs, pure silver streaking down her cheek so quickly you couldn't comprehend it before the silver was gone, as if it was never there.

Tatsuki sat off the the side, her mother - an exhausted-looking woman with a messy black bun and a rumpled sweater - keeping a comforting hand on her shoulder. The small dark-eyed karateka had bellowed insults at the nine-year-old's coffin the moment she arrived at the funeral, startling everyone save Masaki. The tiny girl had called him every foul word she could think of, ranging from 'baka' to 'teme'. It had taken a stern talking to from her mother and a look at the scandalized faces around her to finally come to her senses. Now, the child sat placidly, unable to hold back tears.

'_Ichigo, why do you cry when you can fight?'_

Tatsuki couldn't fight this. How could a small nine-year-old defy death itself?

Nanami Hasegawa stood behind the Kurosakis and Arisawas, her old violet eyes glimmering and wrinkled face sorrowful. She, like all the others, wore complete black. The kindly old woman inclined her greyed head respectfully to the assembled grievers and the coffin, before turning her back on Ichigo's grave, walking away into a settling mist.

Before the six remaining mourners was a newly dug, six-feet-deep hole. Lying inside was a simple woven willow wood coffin, with small stars along the edges. Behind that was the grave, that said:

Ichigo Kurosaki

1986-1995

Beloved Son, Big Brother, a Friend Like No Other

Yuzu gazed at the plaque, feeling a detached yet fiery anger. His name, the dates of his birth and death, and a simple nine words? Is that all her big brother amounted to in this world? A mere nine words?

Her brother, who had a smile akin to pure sunlight; her brother, who hugged her and helped her up when she fell and scraped a knee. Her brother, who only loved, never hated; her brother, who Yuzu loved to infinity and back. Gone, his only mark on the world a stone among millions, a measly nine words engraved.

The little blond girl started when she was broke from her loathsome reverie. Yuzu glanced behind her, and couldn't help the hot prick in her eyes when she saw her mother had fallen heavily on her knees, muttering incoherently. Her Tou-san kneeled next to her, murmuring nonsense words of comfort. The fog thickened around the six mourners, giving the appearance that the only thing in the world was the small boy's grave.

Yuzu turned away from her mother and father, unable to handle the sight of her parents breaking down. Tears came unbidden, yet the young girl didn't open the gilded box in her mind.

"Let's go home," the elder Arisawa whispered to her daughter, pulling her up to her feet, "I'll make your favorite, chile con queso."

Tatsuki ripped herself from her mother's gentle hands, shaking her head resolutely.

"No. I need to stay with Ichi…" the karateka broke off, watching the coffin like it would open any moment and Ichigo would jump out, smiling in his sweetly idiotic way.

"Tatsuki," The tired woman knelt to her daughter's height, tucking a loose lock behind Tatsuki's ear, "Ichigo-kun wouldn't want you to sit here mourning, he would want you to go do something fun, to keep moving."

"You don't know anything about Onii-chan!"

The five others winced at Yuzu's sudden outburst, looking equally hurt and shocked. Yuzu didn't care.

"You know _nothing_! You don't know Onii-chan's dreams, you don't know his favorite foods, you don't know why he joined the dojo, you don't know about how Onii-chan helps Karin and I, you don't _know _him! Do you know Onii-chan loves music?! Do you know he never says mean things?! Do you know he doesn't like pears?! No! You know nothing about anything!" Yuzu ranted feverishly, met only by stunned silence.

"Yuz-" Isshin started to advise, only to be cut off.

"Onii-chan loves spring best and has never seen a tiger in real life and doesn't like to argue! He likes karate and plays games with us and loves reading stories!" Yuzu began to sob through her words, which came flying out without much thought. "Onii-chan has never broken a bone and is afraid of it and always makes sure Karin and I don't get hurt! Onii-chan loves us a lot and…"

Yuzu was unable to continue, falling into her twin's safe arms.

For just a moment, she thought she saw a flash in the trees-

Every person there save the small girls noticed how Yuzu had referred to her late brother in present tense, as if he was not dead.

-but, it could've only been her imagination, or a trick of the light-

Masaki and Isshin Kurosaki hugged their daughters tightly, rubbing their trembling backs with expert hands. The Arisawas left none the better.

-It wasn't.

* * *

Ichigo concluded that wherever he was, he did not like it one bit.

Truthfully, he had came to this conclusion a while ago, but just now was he beginning to grasp just how much he disliked the desert world, with it's skeleton-hand trees and endless expanse of sand. He hated how the moon shined above with its ceaseless, everlasting, silver glow. It was never dawn or day, always midnight. Though it felt more like twilight to the small boy, a never-ending end.

_A never-ending end._

The small boy was hungry, the hole in his chest begging him to eat _something. Anything. _Memories of the two dead bodies lying far behind him made his hole feel even more empty. He needed to eat.

It was so cold. Ichigo came to realize not long ago that he didn't have any clothes on, only unbelievably odd white armor that covered all of his body sans his palms, under his chin, and his masked face. After prying at the fringes of the bone plates and feeling a biting pain (his chest and left arm still throbbed) he deduced that the pale armor had coalesced with the skin under it. That was a very unnerving thought.

Ichigo was bewildered. Question after question after question festered in his mind, eating him from the inside out.

'_-why am I here where am I where is Kaa-san why is there a hole in my chest and a mask on my face and armor on my skin what were those monsters am i a monster why can't I get to the castle where am I what should I do what am I-_'

The worst part was, as he slowly grew more and more desperate, his thoughts turned darker and darker.

'-_I hate them it's their fault why didn't they save me why aren't they coming to save me they can make me feel okay again Kaa-san doesn't care enough to come I should find them and make them pay-_'

Ichigo rolled to the left as the area he once stood was flattened by an oversized pincer. The small boy cried out in shock, backing away from the Hollow that now turned yellow glaring eyes on him. The monster had gigantic pincer hands, a sickening shade of green. It's bone mask was decorated with red doll-like dots on the cheeks.

"Foood…" it hissed, pulling it's limb from the ground with sluggish inconsideration. The Hollow lumbered toward the much smaller child, head swaying back and forth as if it's neck only consisted of rubber.

"S-sorry Monster-san," the orange-haired child apologized shakily, backing away as the Hollow got closer, "But I'm - uh - not food."

"Coome heere," the green monster matched the child's pace, "Comer will eeat yoou."

Comer bent to Ichigo's height, it's mask inches from Ichigo's.

The small boy's golden eyes stared into the monster's yellow ones for a few moments, before Ichigo had had enough and whirled around, bolting away at his fastest speed.

The bright-haired child ripped across the desert, sand nipping at his protected pale feet. Left, right, left, right, left, right. He pumped his arms and leaned forward as he sprinted, doing everything he could to lose the Hollow. Ichigo leapt over small reptilian Hollows, fallen trees, and on occasion, corpses. Not once did he stop, putting all his energy - sight, hearing, smell, touch, taste - into getting away. After long minutes of huffing and running, he stopped for a mere second. His limbs felt like they might snap if he put more pressure on them, his lungs were on fire, his head pounding in sync with his rapidly beating heart.

Ichigo's knees gave out and he fell on them heavily. Every muscle screamed in protest. With glazed golden eyes he glanced behind him.

The large Hollow loomed over him, blocking out the perpetual moon.

Ichigo couldn't scream or even react besides making a choking noise, falling flat on his butt.

"Sssoo huungry… eeat…" Comer wheezed, and Ichigo could feel the Hollow's humid breaths from the other side of its doll-like mask.

Before the boy could attempt anything a giant pincer grasped his upper arm. The child looked at the extension bemusedly, before screaming as his forearm was crushed under the Hollow's might. Writhing and struggling, Ichigo tried to break the monster's hold on him, but couldn't do anything as the bones in his arm protruded from his skin, scraping at his armor from the inside.

"Let me go! Please!" Ichigo pleaded as the pincer pierced his armor, bending the boy's arm at an awkward angle. The monster paid Ichigo no mind, opening it's masked face wide, preparing to bite Ichigo's orange head off.

Ichigo's startling gold on black eyes widened in fright, his struggle becoming more frantic by the second. He _did not _want to be eaten.

_Nononononononononononononono_

"Let me GO!" Ichigo screamed, his voice warbling at the end of his command.

Before Comer could even consider heeding the boy's command, he jerked back, bellowing as the lower part of his mask was ripped away by sharp little hands. A pincer raised to clutch the monster's bloody chin, the other struggled to hold the boy as he thrashed. The child looked almost as if he was having a seizure, legs kicking and arms waving erratically. The only clear difference was that the small Hollow's eery eyes never left the larger Hollow's yellow ones.

The monster whirled on the child, baring his teeth through blood and winces.

"Comer will eeat yoou. Noo fight," Comer now used both of his arms to keep the boy in check, growling as his own blood hit the child's mask.

"Let me go, Monster. I will kill _you_," Ichigo's twisted voice threatened, gold eyes never breaking from yellow.

Comer either did not take the child seriously, or was so hungry he couldn't' afford to leave Ichigo be.

Without fanfare, the larger Hollow opened his mouth wide again, about to chomp down on the boy's head. When Comer was so close Ichigo couldn't see anything sans the monster's sharp teeth, the little boy scowled, then rage blossomed.

"No!" With a sudden burst of black energy, Ichigo bit deeply into one of the Hollow's pincers, drawing blood.

Comer screeched, before biting down on the child's head. Ichigo himself screamed as a sudden powerful pressure clamped down on his head, eliciting jagged cracks to spiderweb his mask. Ichigo's instincts roared inside him.

_Fight_!

Writhing, the boy punched at the monster, screeching and clawing at his restraints. Ichigo elbowed the Hollow in the jaw,making its head snap back, releasing him in the process. Ichigo twisted in midair to face Comer, who had recovered.

"Yoou…" Before Comer could comment, Ichigo ran forward and kicked the Hollow in the side, making Comer grunt and glare at the child. Ichigo growled softly, barely dodging Comer's pincers.

The orange-haired boy's mind flashed to his last fight with Tatsuki, and he had an idea.

The next time the pincer came raging downwards like a guillotine, Ichigo's hand shot backwards and he grasped the flat end of the pincer, crying a bit as pain snaked up his arm. Ichigo kept a hand firmly on the pincer and pulled as hard as he could.

Comer fell onto the sand, screaming and flailing, his arm ripped out of its socket. Ichigo stared at the arm in his hand in shock, not completely sure what he thought was going to happen.

He looked back up at the Hollow, who was still screaming, and his hunger roared back to life. He was so hungry… Maybe…

Comer died a quick death, his mask ripped apart by sharp claws.

Ichigo stood above him for a second, a part of him hesitating. Was it bad he killed Comer? Was it bad he was covered in blood?

He brushed that tiny detail off. He had more important things to do. Like eat.

It's impossible to truly describe what a Hollow tastes like to another Hollow, though for regular humans a safe guess would be blood and meat (who knows what kind it would taste like, if it had one). Whatever it tastes like to other Hollows though, it's heavenly to them. Ambrosia and nectar. It's enchanting and contenting and something worth dying to have. The only problem is the fulfilling effects don't last long, so they must hunt again and again, until they reach a point where they don't need to fill the hole where their heart should be. Too bad that's not possible.

When Ichigo finished his meal he licked off all the blood on him and sat contentedly for a moment, before stopping dead.

What did he do?

Without warning, tears bloomed in Ichigo's eyes again and he let out a single sob. He just killed and ate the monster. Kaa-san… he is a monster.

Ichigo howled, clutching his head. '_MONSTERMONSTERMONSTERMONSTERMONSTERMONSTER...'_

_Slipping, slipping, slipping…_

The small child was terrified, a phantom heart was pounding in his ears. He trembled and shook his head over and over. He killed someone…

Ichigo - his thoughts fractured and frantic - fell backwards onto the sand, asleep within seconds.

* * *

Ichigo tripped over his own feet, breath ragged. '_So hungry… but… I can't eat..._'

It didn't go past the boy how much faster and stronger he was, and he also saw how quickly his hunger escalated. He would need to feast on _something_ soon, but Ichigo would not let himself eat another monster again, no matter how much he craved to.

Even now, after what the little boy honestly thought had been days, he _still _was not any closer to the castle, not even remotely so. And his thoughts, without his consent, were getting darker.

'_I'm so hungry… It's their fault I'm here, shouldn't they repay me for that? Kaa-san couldn't catch me in time, so she should give me her soul in return, shouldn't she? Yes… Kaa-san, Tou-san, Karin-chan, Yuzu-chan, Tatsuki-chan, Oba-san… they could fill the emptiness I feel. I could _eat _them...' _And then Ichigo would come back to his senses, thoroughly disgusted at himself. How could he eat his own family…?

But, somewhere inside him, maybe near the hole in his chest, he really _really _wanted too, if it meant he could be whole.

And so it went. Eventually, Ichigo ran into a Hollow again, but now knew how to run _really _fast to get away from them. He ran and ran and ran, wishing with all his soul that he could be at the castle, that he could eat something that made him feel human.

* * *

He needed to eat them.

The more he thought about it, the more true that statement sounded to him. _They_ were the ones who didn't help him when he was in need. _They_ were the ones that let him be attacked by monsters. _They_ needed to die.

But a part of him - some half-buried part - rejected that idea wholly and completely. It was too horrible to comprehend, let alone want.

But the hole in his chest wanted it badly.

That small rebelling part of him hindered him, not letting Ichigo eat or stop walking towards the castle. All he could do was walk and walk, not getting anywhere.

He wanted to kill them.

No, he didn't.

Yes, he did.

NO!

Instincts guiding his movements, Ichigo whirled around, claws slashing the air in front of him. A black void opened.

He had to.

* * *

Karakura Town was shrouded densely in fog, making the air stick to Ichigo's armor like a second - or third - skin. From the tree he stood upon he could see the vague silhouettes of buildings, homes and stores. Ichigo wondered if one was the Kurosaki Clinic.

Ichigo hopped from branch to branch, getting closer and closer to his objective. He could feel them, all six of them, close by. He was giddy, soon he would not feel so empty.

He froze once he saw them, all standing together dressed in black clothes. They looked so sad…

_Good._

Soon, Nanami walked into the mist, angering Ichigo. He wanted to get them all at once! Whatever, he'll eat her later, after the other five. There was another woman there, Tatsuki's mother, who he supposed he could eat also.

He prepared to spring downward, ignoring the way his illusionary heart was screaming to not do this, to do anything but this.

He was about to pounce when his youngest sister - Yuzu, sweet Yuzu who always was in need of a hug - shouted: "You don't know anything about Onii-chan!"

Ichigo stopped moving, gold on black eyes widening under his mask.

_You don't know Onii-chan's dreams- _An author/karate expert? Isn't that what he wanted?

_You don't know his favorite foods- _Curry? Soba? Green tea ice cream? He can't remember.

_You don't know why he joined the dojo- _To protect them...

_You don't know about how Onii-chan helps Karin and I, you don't know him!- _He helped his little sisters, he helped with their odd art creations and helped them drag chairs around to reach the high stuff and he playing soccer with them when they were bored.

_Do you know Onii-chan loves music?!- _He loved the music Tou-san played when he was organizing his medical supplies.

_Do you know he never says mean things?!- _He didn't have mean things to say.

_Do you know he doesn't like pears?!- _He didn't?

_Onii-chan loves spring best and has never seen a tiger in real life and doesn't like to argue!- _They were going to go to the zoo...

_He likes karate and plays games with us and loves reading stories!-_ He loved doing those things! Why couldn't he now?

_Onii-chan has never broken a bone and is afraid of it and always makes sure Karin and I don't get hurt!- _How could he think...

_Onii-chan loves us a lot- _He does, and always will.

Ichigo gazed down at his Yuzu-chan, who had collapsed in tears.

Never. He will never hurt his sisters. How could he think of eating them? How could he be willing to hurt his Kaa-san, who was always there for him, always there to pick him up? His Tou-san, who always kept them happy, no matter the circumstance? Tatsuki-chan, who saved him again and again? Who pushed him to work harder and do his best? Oba-san, who nodded to his grave and disappeared in the mist?

Never. NEVER. He was a protector, not a killer.

No matter the cost, he will protect them.

At that moment, as he came to his decision, he knew what had to be done. He could not remember them, lest he hurt the ones he loves most.

_Slipping, slipping, slipping…_

When he ran into the mist, Ichigo Kurosaki was gone.

_To be continued..._


	5. Chapter 5 - Covet

_Thank You: H-PockySticks, Antex-The Legendary Zoroark, God of Spirits-Spirit Black, and the Guests_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach_

Shadow Ataraxia

Chapter Five

Covet

'_We call it white because we need a word, but its true name is nothing. Black is the absence of light, but white is the absence of memory, the color of can't remember.' _\- "Duma Key", Stephen King

_The dojo was bathed in sunlight, painting the room a rich gold. Children whooped and shouted, trading blows with one another. A four-year-old with messy black locks covered by a white safety helmet watched the entrance to the dojo curiously, specifically the boy at the entrance._

_The boy looked to be the same age as the girl, with bright hair that stood out like a beacon, and a smile so wide and innocent it made people stop and stare. He held the hand of a beautiful woman with golden hair and a smile as warm as her son's. The woman talked to the girl's sensei, who laughed and turned to the girl._

"_Oi, Tatsuki-chan!" her sensei called to her, which made her stand paralyzed for a moment, before walking over._

"_Tatsuki-chan," her sensei said, putting a hand on her shoulder, "This is Ichigo Kurosaki, he's going to be joining us at the dojo!"_

"_Uh… welcome Ichigo-san," Tatsuki greeted the other child, "I'm Tatsuki Arisawa, I'm going to be the vale tudo champion!"_

"_Hi Tatsuki-chan! I'm Ichigo Kurosaki!" Ichigo announced, not paying mind to the fact she already knew his name, "I'm gonna be… um… a…"_

_His mother laughed, hugging her son to her chest, which made the child beam, "You don't need to know that yet Ichigo, you have plenty of time to figure that one out. You'll be a great vale tudo champion Tatsuki-chan, I can already see it!"_

_The pretty woman turned to the small girl, giving her another kind smile._

_Tatsuki puffed up under the praise, sending the Kurosakis her own grin._

"_You bet I will be!" She cheered, "I'll be the best!"_

"_Tatsuki-chan, can I fight you?" Ichigo asked excitedly, brown eyes glittering with enthusiasm._

"_Now now, we just got here!" the Kurosaki woman chuckled, ruffling Ichigo's ludicrous hair._

"_Don't you worry Kurosaki-san," Tatsuki's sensei assured the mother, "Tatsuki-chan's a prodigy, but I'm sure Ichigo will do great. He can't get very hurt with his padding on!"_

"_Okay, go with Kirimaru-san and he'll get you armored up Ichi!" his mother nudged her excited son after Tatsuki's sensei._

_When both the four-year-olds were 'armored up' as Masaki put it, they faced off on a cushioned mat. When her sensei told them to start, Tatsuki shot a fist forward, hitting Ichigo's chest with a light punch. The orange-haired boy, who wasn't accustomed to being punched, instantly fell on his bottom. Tatsuki took a step back in shock when Ichigo burst into a fit of waterworks, tears falling freely from his puffy eyes._

_The bewildered girl just watched the boy cry, before his mother crouched down next to him. The sobbing child instantly smiled largely at his mother, accepting her encouragement as she dabbed his tears away with her long skirt._

_Tatsuki, still perplexed, smiled awkwardly._

She jolted up and cried out as her head connected with a very solid object. She yelped and fell back onto the carpeted ground, then scuttled backwards. Head still throbbing and thoroughly disoriented, Tatsuki stood up, having to put a hand on the couch to keep her steady. _Couch?_

Tatsuki rubbed her eyes open and stared at her living room, confused. She glanced at the coffee table -the cause of her new headache- and frowned. Why was she sleeping on the floor?

The last thing she remembered was lying on the couch, her mother comforting her as she sobbed and denied a horrible truth.

_Ichigo is dead._

Tatsuki froze, her eyes widening. Why is it that every time she remembered that fact it would hurt just as much as it had the first time? She slowly sunk to the floor again, then brought her knees to her chest.

That little smiling idiot, her best friend, was gone. Killed walking home from karate.

'_Bye Tatsuki-chan! I'll see you tomorrow, and just you wait! I have something new I'm gonna try!' _Ichigo had smiled wide, waving at her as he turned away. That was the last time she ever saw him. The last time she ever will.

Why did this happen?

Tatsuki buried her face in her knees, trembling. Ichigo would never walk into the dojo again. Ichigo would never cry, then smile through tears as his mother walked in. He would never see her be vale tudo champion, never be there to cheer on his best friend. Ichigo would never grow up with her, they would never beat up bullies together or go to middle or high school together. Ichigo would never beat her. For some reason, her mind was stuck on the fact that Ichigo would never win their fight. He would never grin at her as he delivered the final blow, then apologize profusely when he realized he may have broken one of Tatsuki's bones.

Never.

That fact made Tatsuki have to suppress the sobs racking her tiny body, made her curl into a tighter and tighter ball.

"Tatsuki? Sweetie?"

The small girl couldn't stop her tears; she refused to look up at her mother.

"Tatsuki, come here."

Warm arms wrapped around her, enveloping her in the smell of paper and pencil shavings. Tatsuki leaned toward the newfound source of warmth, not thinking, only feeling. Then, her mother whispered: "Your father is here."

Tatsuki pulled back and looked up and there he was. Her father would tower over her with his 6'2 is he wasn't kneeling right next to her, his dark hazel eyes watery and face tight with emotion.

"Tou-san?"

Her father nodded, and spread his arms out, beckoning her to come closer.

She crawled into her father's arms, ignoring her mild shock. Her father usually didn't dare to step foot in Tatsuki's mother's home.

He made calming shushing noises as he stroked her head, and Tatsuki buried herself in his chest. When Tatsuki had no more tears to cry, she continued to lean into her father, her sinuses aching.

They sat there for a long time, Tatsuki simply listening to her father's heartbeat and trying to calm down.

Trying to forget.

* * *

After a lot of mindless wandering, the Hollow child found a hole.

The Hollow was small, very small, with brilliant orange hair and a bone mask decorated with red stripes. It was reptilian, with a long tail and hard white armor. It looked rather odd, but not anything too special.

The creature was perched at the edge of a hole of some sort, staring down with golden eyes. The edges of the hole were made of sandstone, and below it all that could be seen was the vague outlines of tree trunks. Besides that, there was only darkness.

The being slowly leaned closer and closer to the edge, soon putting all its weight on the sandstone.

The sandstone cracked.

The Hollow froze.

The edge caved in, bringing the small Hollow with it.

The Hollow fell, tearing through branches and not making a sound as other Hollows shrieked. As it fell, a few other Hollows were knocked off their perches and killed.

When it landed on the ground, it made a small crater in the stone. The being hissed as one of its legs bent at an sickening angle. It stood up, its leg slowly resetting itself with its weak regeneration. It shook its head, making its orange hair stick up in every direction. That had hurt. The creature ran as its senses went haywire. It limped behind one of the trees.

The area where the Hollow just stood was decimated in a bright crimson light.

The being let loose a warbling growl, looking up. Far above it, it could see a mask with a long nose and dead eyes. It was gigantic, its black cloak covering hundreds of meters of area. Beneath its mask, somewhere deep in its dead eyes, was a spark of red.

The smaller Hollow, which stood at barely a meter, climbed up the nearest tree, its claws digging into the crystalline wood to propel it upwards.

The larger Hollow charged another cero in its mouth. The tiny being ran away, jumping through branches. It hissed again as some of the red light managed to hit him, burning off the armor on its back. Despite this, it kept running. The orange-maned creature knew better than to take on a Menos Grande. For now, anyway.

As it ran at a speed the Menos Grande couldn't, it observed its surroundings. It appeared to be in a behemoth forest, with white trees that reached the roof of the forest, the bottom of the desert. The forest was very dark, considering there didn't seem to be any source of light. Despite this, the creature could see fairly well, its gold on black eyes somehow discerning darkness from darker darkness.

As it ran, the small Hollow saw many more of the huge Hollows with the dead eyes and black cloaks. They wandered around aimlessly, soon seeing another of its kind and opening its large mouth to attempt to take a bite out of another. They would fight, firing scarlet ceros and biting each other and grasping the other with bony hands. Soon, a winner would be decided, one large Hollow would be eaten, and the survivor would continue its wandering. And so it went.

In the forest it saw some other Hollows like itself, weaker yet ambitious ones that were gobbling each other up in hopes that they could fill the holes in their chests. Sometimes it even saw large ones that weren't Menos Grande, ones that it knew better than to approach. They had distinct masks and bodies, and many could talk, something that went right over the small Hollow's head. They were very large but some were fast, so fast that they had almost caught the orange-maned Hollow. They were even stronger than those long nosed ones.

The lizard-like Hollow came across the weaker Hollows every once in a while, and would kill them with its long claws and strangle them with its tail. It would eat them. Sometimes it came across those cloaked Hollows or those stronger ones that it needed to run from. Some Hollows were more powerful and couldn't be beaten right now. It knew this.

It had gone on like this for a long time, how long it couldn't guess. It was always night in Hueco Mundo, and it somehow knew that you couldn't tell how much time had passed by how itself or others looked. But it knew it had been doing this for a while. In the forest, in the desert, everywhere it wandered to. It found weaker Hollows and killed them, it found stronger Hollows and ran. That is all it had done for as long as it could remember. Kill, eat, run, Kill, eat, run.

Maybe if it was more self-aware, more intelligent, it would question what it was doing. Wonder why it had to kill and eat, why it was always hungry. Starving.

The Hollow leapt from its perch, descending on a bird-like Hollow on a branch below. The fellow Hollow didn't have time to scream, much less dodge, as its throat was torn out. The orange-maned creature licked the blood from its long claws then proceeded to eat the dead Hollow.

It never questioned its existence, never stopped to wonder who it was. It just did as it has always done. Killed, eaten, ran.

Then, one day something changed.

The orange-maned Hollow was in the midst of roaming the crystalline floor of the Menos Forest when it froze, instinctual fear consuming it.

_Run away! Predator! Run away!_

The Hollow began to run, but it was for naught. Pain erupted on its back as claws dug into its skin, a cero missing the creature by millimeters. It screeched and turned to face the opposing force, only to find itself flying backward and crashing into one of the giant trees.

Blood escaped through the mouth of the Hollow's bone mask as it coughed, more blood soon joining the escaped when claws ripped another gash in its arm. Though the small creature had regeneration, it was anything but instant, meaning that it could do nothing as the opposing Hollow closed the gap between them.

It was an ugly thing, with a toad-like mask and off-white spots covering its large body. A long tongue protruded from its bone mask, and its claws were more like short spikes than anything else. It had odd orange eyes surrounded by swirls and rough black skin. The larger being leered down at the smaller one, growling.

The smaller Hollow growled back, though it was shaking with equal parts fear and pain.

"Graaa…" The larger Hollow leaned close to the orange-maned Hollow, its putrid breath ghosting upon its face. The small Hollow struggled and whipped its tail around in an attempt to break the other Hollow's hold, but its attempts were fruitless. Slowly, the other Hollow raised the creature into the air by its neck, its tongue grazing against the smaller monster's red and white mask.

The small being struggled, but it was no use, it was going to be eaten.

That was, if the larger Hollow wasn't killed.

The toad-like Hollow didn't get the chance to fight back as a sword cleaved through its neck, decapitating it in an instant. The orange-maned Hollow fell onto the stone ground, but did nothing but stare at the headless corpse that had collapsed in front of it.

The sword that had struck down the monster was raised up, preparing to descend on the remaining Hollow.

Said Hollow looked up, its gold eyes unfocused.

Above it was a humanoid figure dressed in black robes with a half-cloak made of fur over his shoulders. A bull skull concealed his face.

The Hollow jumped backwards as the blade was swung at it in a lethal arc. It growled in its warbly way, but the figure said nothing, just continued to swing his sword, aiming for the smaller creature's mask.

The creature was puzzled, well, as puzzled as an instinct-driven monster could be.

The being in front of it wasn't like the other monsters it had been facing for so long. He had the same bone mask, but that was where the similarities ended. It was smaller than any Hollow it had seen, sans the reptilian ones that scuttled across the desert sands above them. Its power, though strong, wasn't remotely dark and felt more pleasant, softer in a way. He had a comforting feeling about him that the Hollow had never experienced.

Its instinct screamed at him to run and clawed at its newfound restraints, but the Hollow didn't retreat. Another part of him, a part that should be gone along with its heart, did not want him to run. _He is good, don't leave._

Of course the man didn't know that, so he continued to swing his sword at the well-meaning monster. It didn't take long for the reptilian Hollow to be latticed in cuts, an arm almost bisected when its sonido was a tad too slow. And yet the man kept up his offense.

"Raaa…" The orange-maned Hollow rumbled, its tail swishing lazily behind it.

After a few minutes of the poor creature being put under a violent assault, the man wearing the bull skull placed his blade right under the chin of his adversary. Said adversary's instincts were going haywire, begging the Hollow to move.

"Why?" the man's voice was bewildered, "Why aren't you fighting back, Hollow? I'm about to kill you."

The Hollow, being a monster that cannot understand speech, said nothing, just stared at the man with its gold on black eyes.

Slowly, the man removed the mask covering his face, sword not letting up from the Hollow's throat. He pulled off the bull mask, revealing a grim looking face. The man had spiky carmine hair, pale and sharp features and intense grey eyes.

"Can't you see? I am a Shinigami, I am your enemy."

And still, the Hollow could not say anything back, for it did not understand. Its golden eyes show fear, but no anger or wish for violence. It has no idea why, but it knows that killing this man is not something it wanted to do.

The man scowled harder, and looked like he was about to thrust his sword through the small creature's throat when he spun around, raising his mask to protect himself from a cero. The mask absorbed the blow and the man brought his sword to bear, ready to kill the beast that challenged him. The beast, a Meno Grande, opened its mouth again, preparing another cero.

Before the man could go for the kill however, the forgotten orange-maned Hollow released a guttural screech, before launching itself at the Menos Grande. The Shinigami, momentarily forgetting that the creature was a Hollow, not one of his own kind, yelled at the smaller being to stop.

"Get back! That Hollow is too strong!" he shouted. Of course the golden-eyed creature paid him no mind, not comprehending his words.

"Grreeee!" the orange-maned being landed a hit on the skyscraper-sized Hollow's mask, its claws eliciting sparks as the cut a thin line in the side of the bone. That didn't discourage it however. It leapt to a branch behind it before launching itself back at the Menos Grande. It made the giant head snap to the left just as the cero was discharged, making a ray of brilliant red light smash through several stone trees, missing the Shinigami entirely.

The Shinigami watched with a touch of awe as the tiny little being flashed about on the branches around the Menos, slowly taking down the much stronger monster. But then, the red-haired man then frowned, clutching his sword.

"Rah!" the small Hollow called in its watery growl, cracks latticing the Menos Grande's mask like spiderwebs. The larger being's charging cero was pointed at the tiny Hollow, preparing to kill the opposing force.

Once again, the Shinigami's sword was swung, cutting a clean line through the mask of the Menos.

Still in mid-air, the small Hollow turned to watch the Shinigami with its eerie golden eyes. The Shinigami, sword pointed downwards as the Menos Grande began to fade into blue reishi, turned to look at the small Hollow, grey eyes sharp. Grey and gold met and the Hollow slowly tilted its head in a hauntingly child-like gesture. The Shinigami's eyes widened.

They both hit the ground gracefully, the Hollow with the poise of a cat and the Shinigami floated downwards slowly via reiatsu. The Shinigami stared at the tiny Hollow, who still had its head cocked, as if confused and trying to understand. The Shinigami's eyes were filled with curiosity; he walked slowly up to the orange-maned Hollow.

The Hollow's head remained tilted, but it felt as if it had done something right. _He is good, don't leave._

"Go."

The Hollow's head tilted a bit more, not understanding the Shinigami's whispered word.

"Go now, Hollow. Or I'll kill you."

The Hollow's golden eyes narrowed.

"Go! Don't come back!" The Shinigami held his sword again, raising it threateningly.

"Go. Don't make me kill you."

Slowly, the Hollow backed away, not understanding and not wanting to. It wanted to stay with the good man, he was warmth and safety. He wasn't hollow like everything else.

And yet the Hollow ran away, its hole aching. For the first time, it didn't want… no it _coudn't_ want to kill another. It wanted to stay.

It wanted a heart.

* * *

The Throne Room of Las Noches was pristine, obsessively white and gleaming from every angle. Atop a large throne in the center of the room sat a smirking man, with dark hair and chocolate-colored eyes. He leaned on his elbow, looking indifferent to the world.

A second man entered the Throne Room, with silver hair and a snake-like grin. Both wore a white haori, one with the kanji for five, the other three.

"Sōsuke, I bet ya won't guess what happened!" the silver-haired man sang, eyes remaining closed.

"Oh?" Sōsuke raised an eyebrow elegantly, "What ever could have happened, Gin?"

"Ah, c'mon! Yer not goin' ta guess?" the snake-like man pouted, a rather horrifying look on his face.

"How could the likes of I possibly guess at what has intrigued you?" Sōsuke questioned amusedly, flicking his eyes in the direction of the gates of Las Noches for less than a moment.

"Okay, okay," Gin mumbled something that sounded like 'killjoy' under his breath, "that kid ya were all interested in -that hybrid whatever- died."

The brown-haired man showed no outward sign of interest save a finger laying on the arm of his throne twitching, "Is that so?"

Gin, who was too observant to not notice Sōsuke's slip up, had a pleased lilt to his voice, "Yep, killed by Grand Fisher a few nights ago, the Quincy woman survived. What a terrible mother," the silver-haired man's grin widened considerably at the end of his sentence, which would make a lesser man than Sōsuke roll their eyes.

"What became of Ichigo Kurosaki?" the calmer of the two men inquired, tapping a finger on the marble of his throne.

"No one knows," Gin sighed dramatically, "He just vanished inta thin air, leavin' nothin' behind. No one knows where he's gone…"

Sōsuke watched his subordinate patiently, waiting for the silver-haired man to answer his question.

At the look on his leader's face (One that was calm and serene to almost everyone else, but after centuries learning his facial expressions, Gin knew he was annoyed), Gin sighed again, his grin not wavering all the while.

"Meh, don't give me that look," Sōsuke gave no visual response to Gin's drawled words, "I don't know _exactly _where he is… but I might have a sneakin' suspicion he's a Hollow. There's been no sightings o' him in he World of the Living, and his reiatsu signature hasn't been sensed in the Soul Society... "

Sōsuke's pleasant smile seemed to become more genuine, despite the fact he barely moved, "Hn. Thank you for telling me this fascinating piece of information, Gin… we can make use of this."

The snake-like man did not stop grinning until he had turned his back fully. He favored a mild frown as he reached the large double doors.

"And, Gin?"

His smile pasted back on, Gin politely turned to face his master.

"Do make sure he is well-fed."

Gin's grin seems to grow a bit more feral. How nice.

_To be continued..._


	6. Chapter 6 - Nepenthe

_Thank you: Antex-The Legendary Zoroark, Ctornello, T, Guest (A/N: please name yourself, I feel stupid saying it like this), and Darke13_

_A/N: Darke13, Thank you for correcting me, using honorifics correctly is very important to me, as I'd rather not slaughter the Japanese language. I really appreciate it, it's people like you that keep stories like this moving (especially when authors have writer's block). Constructive criticism is _always _appreciated._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach_

Shadow Ataraxia

Chapter Six

Nepenthe

'_Nothing is predestined. The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.'_\- Ralph H. Blum

Tatsuki opened her eyes.

A white ceiling stared back at her.

Tatsuki closed her eyes.

'_Nope. Not getting up.'_

"Tatsuki-chan! It's time to get up! Your Kaa-san made breakfast already!" A male voice said cheerfully.

"I'm sleeping, go away," Tatsuki replied grumpily, shifting to face away from her mother's boyfriend.

"Tatsuki-chan, you're not asleep, silly! C'mon, or I'll eat all the natto!" He shook Tatsuki's shoulder in a very sudden yet relatively gentle way. Tatsuki moaned, wanting to sleep more, but opened her eyes.

Taiki Tsukino stared back down at her, bright hazel eyes alight with a childish fervor that only he could manage. Taiki grinned widely down at his girlfriend's daughter, but Tatsuki just glared foul-temperedly back.

"I'm getting up, you don't need to clutch my shoulder like that."

Taiki let go of her shoulder and Tatsuki stood up, stretching. Taiki practically bounced out of the room and Tatsuki followed, rubbing at her eyes.

Downstairs, her mother was placing down many plates of natto, nori and rice, enough to feed an army and then some. Taiki swept over to her mother, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and began ravaging the food. Tatsuki rolled her eyes and sat down at the table, grabbing some rice and the meager portion of miso soup. Unlike what Taiki implied, she hated natto, it was disgusting.

"Tatsuki," Her mother, Noriko, said. Tatsuki regarded her mother with rice stuffed in her mouth.

"Hm?"

"Are you staying late at the dojo tonight?" Noriko asked, her face smiling though her blue eyes were flat.

Tatsuki held back from rolling her eyes. She stayed late _every_ school night, and yet her mother had to ask her again and again if she was doing it again. She knew why. It was her mother's misguided attempt at making her cut back on karate. Not only was Noriko Arisawa a lawyer who wasn't fond of violence, her mother didn't want karate to be Tatsuki's coping skill. Too bad, it was too late to change that.

Taiki, somewhere along the line, had been told of Tatsuki's 'unhealthy' love of karate and… _other _things, and had taken it upon himself to escort her back home after her lessons. Tatsuki had tried in vain to convince him that she was thirteen now and could perfectly well walk home herself, but he was hearing none of it.

Sometimes, she really didn't like Taiki, no matter how well-meaning his concerns were.

Swallowing the last of her miso soup, Tatsuki went back to her room and changed into her uniform, before leaving her house, dodging Taiki's enthusiastic hug. That guy was too touchy-feely.

Tatsuki walked down the streets of Karakura, but when she should've made a turn left to go to school, she turned right, heading toward the apartment building by a mall. Tatsuki smiled to herself as she walked up the stairs and to a certain door, then knocked three times.

This was her nineteenth morning here, and Tatsuki couldn't help but feel happy.

"I'm coming!" Came a voice from the other side, followed by the sound of a plate being smashed against the floor. Tatsuki grinned, shaking her head.

The door was flung open a few moments later by a very excited-looking girl with jaw-length persimmon hair and blue hair-clips on each side of her head. The girl's pretty grey eyes positively _sparkled _and she smiled happily.

"Ohayou gozaimasu, Tatsuki-chan!" Orihime Inoue greeted, before ducking back inside to grab her backpack.

"You too, Orihime," Tatsuki said, "Are you okay? I heard something break."

"Oh no, I'm fine, I'm fine!" Orihime assured rapidly, waving her hands, "I- I was just so excited that you were coming and I was thinking about how we could go and find some sumo wrestlers to battle and I forgot to use my hands!"

Tatsuki ignored the part about the sumo wrestlers, she had learned quickly that Orihime was an odd one, "Good to know you're okay. Ready to go?"

"Yep!" Orihime joined Tatsuki outside, locked her apartment door, and the two of them set off for school.

Tatsuki had only met Orihime less than a month ago, and yet Tatsuki felt like she knew her new friend well. Orihime had told her about her brother Sora and how he had raised her before dying in an accident a year ago. Orihime told Tatsuki about how she didn't know exactly what she wanted to do when she was older, but that she wanted to help others as much as she could. Tatsuki learned about the odd foods Orihime loved (red bean paste and sweet potatoes? Gross.) and how she loved comedies and Asian flower print clothing. Tatsuki also learned that she loved Orihime like a sister.

Orihime in turn learned about Tatsuki's love of karate and her own love for chile con queso, and about her favorite music and her mother's boyfriend. They both learned a lot about one another.

But today, Tatsuki may tell Orihime more, about what happened four years ago. Maybe.

"So, Orihime, are you doing anything after school?" Tatsuki inquired, just as Orihime finished her monologue about how cool it would be to fly a plane. Orihime tilted her head.

"Um, no. But, Tatsuki-chan, don't you usually go to the dojo after school?" Orihime asked confusedly.

"Yeah, but I wanted you to meet a few of my friends after school," Tatsuki said easily, "I can miss a day of karate."

"Wow… I get to meet your other friends?!" Orihime asked, eyes glittering with enthusiasm, "Who are they, what are they like?"

Tatsuki shook her head, "You'll see."

* * *

Orihime practically buzzed with nervous anticipation as she followed her closest friend, Tatsuki. She was going to meet Tatsuki-chan's friends! Would they like her? What if they didn't? Would Tatsuki be mad at her if they didn't like her? Oh, what if she messed up?! She didn't want to lose her new friend! What would Onii-chan say?

'Be yourself and don't regret it', that's what he would say. But what if being herself wasn't good enough?

Orihime jumped from one foot to the other, not seeing how Tatsuki was smiling fondly at her. They had just got out of school and began walking to Tatsuki's friends' home, which was in the nicer part of Karakura, rather far from Orihime's own apartment. Tatsuki wouldn't say much about her illusive friends, just that she'd known them a long time and they were younger than them.

After fifteen minutes of walking, Tatsuki stopped and said, "Here we are. Welcome to the Kurosaki Clinic."

Orihime froze. The persimmon-haired girl stared at the sign displaying such, then down the street and back again.

"_NO! Onii-chan, please don't leave me alone!_"

This was where her brother died.

Orihime felt tears welling in her eyes, but couldn't take her eyes off the sign. she could never forget that sign, never forget that name. _Kurosaki_: A name forever associated with death.

"Orihime? Are you okay?" Tatsuki questioned, worry in her voice. Her blue eyes gazed softly into Orihime's tearful grey ones, and she cried.

"I-I'm sorry, Ta-Tatsuki-chan…" Orihime stuttered, wiping away tears, "It's just that… this is where Onii-chan died."

Tatsuki balked, then hugged Orihime tightly.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know," Tatsuki apologized sadly, stroking Orihime's head.

"It's okay, Tatsuki-chan," Orihime said as she pulled herself together, "I'm okay. Let's go meet your friends."

Tatsuki nodded, then rung the doorbell of the Kurosaki Clinic.

"Coming!" a woman's voice came from inside. The door opened a few seconds later and Orihime couldn't help but gasp. The woman that answered the door was incredibly beautiful, with wavy golden hair and warm honey eyes. Her face, though lined with stress, was soft.

"Hello, Tatsuki-chan," the woman greeted in a voice as soft as her features, "And you must be Orihime-chan?"

"Yes, I'm Orihime Inoue!" Orihime squeaked, bowing respectfully.

"It's nice to meet you, Orihime-chan," the woman smiled kindly, "I'm Masaki Kurosaki, my husband and I run this clinic. Are you both here to see Karin and Yuzu?"

"Yep," Tatsuki said, and Masaki lead them inside.

Orihime followed Tatsuki quietly, taking in the inside of the clinic. It seemed that one part of the house was a medical ward and the other half was the actual house, Orihime had never seen anything like it before. Masaki lead them through the clinical area (so many medical beds!) and into their homely living room, with a television, sofa and a table with five chairs. There were pictures adorning the walls of twin girls, one blond, the other black-haired. There were pictures of them smiling and playing on the beach, their school photos, the blond girl at a carnival, the dark-haired girl at a baseball game with Tatsuki and one picture of the twins making a block castle with turrets and a cylindrical piece hung by string. There were also a few pictures of a boy with brilliant orange hair and a large smile. Orihime couldn't help but grin back at a picture of the boy at a dojo with Tatsuki.

"Tatsuki-chan!" the blond girl from the pictures barreled into Tatsuki, who had to keep from falling backwards.

"Jeez, Yuzu-chan, calm down!" Tatsuki laughed, ruffling the girl's light hair.

"Hi Tatsuki," the black-haired girl sauntered up to the other girls, her brown eyes amused.

The blond girl let go of Tatsuki and turned to Orihime, who froze when the younger girl's cheerful gaze met hers.

"Hi! I'm Yuzu Kurosaki, may I ask what your name is?" Yuzu asked politely, smiling shyly.

"Uh… I'm Orihime Inoue," Orihime introduced herself, shuffling her feet a bit, "I'm a friend of Tatsuki-chan's."

"Oh yeah, Tatsuki told us about you," the other twin said, "I'm Karin, Yuzu's twin sister. You staying for dinner?"

"Um…"

"Yeah, she is," Tatsuki nodded, giving Orihime a wink.

"I love your hair-pins!" Yuzu complimented, leaning a bit closer to look at them, "They're so pretty!"

"Thank you," Orihime said shyly, "Onii-chan gave them to me."

Both girls stopped moving, their identical brown eyes widening. Karin flinched and looked away, crossing her arms. Yuzu bit her lip and rubbed at her eyes.

Orihime frowned concernedly. What did she say wrong? She looked to Tatsuki for help, but felt fearful when Tatsuki was also looking away from her.

"Did… did I say something wrong?" Orihime inquired anxiously.

"No, its okay Orihime. Let's go eat," Tatsuki grabbed her hand and lead her to the dinner table, where Masaki was setting down soba and yakiniku. A black-haired man, who Orihime assumed to be their father, walked in and set down six small bowls of rice.

The twins followed their two guests to the table, followed by their parents. Their father - introduced as Isshin Kurosaki - had to go to the medical ward and grab another chair for Orihime because they only had five seats. Once they were seated, they proceeded to have dinner.

Orihime had never had a meal quite like the one she had with the Kurosakis. The dinners she knew were the ones she had when her brother came home from work, exhausted and carrying a bag of groceries. For the past year her dinners were solitary, eaten across from the shrine she put together for Sora.

But dinner with the Kurosakis was so very different. Topics seemed to change at the speed of lightning, one moment it was school, then it was Tatsuki's meeting with Orihime, then it was Isshin's newest patient, then it was Karin's soccer practice, then it was the new recipe Yuzu had learned from Masaki. Orihime learned very quickly that Masaki was the soft-spoken one of the family. The twins' mother was one of the kindest people Orihime had ever met, but she rarely talked. Karin and her father were the loud and confident ones. Yuzu was the chatty and excitable one, usually dominating the conversation. Tatsuki, Orihime was amazed to see, fit into their conversation like a perfectly shaped puzzle piece. But, Orihime did sense something weird.

There was an underlying sadness, one she didn't fully understand. Orihime didn't know why they seemed to avoid certain topics, like Tatsuki's karate lessons, but it was obvious to anyone who really listened. The Kurosaki family was avoiding something, something that was beginning to fester.

But Orihime didn't comment on it. She watched as their beautiful little family of four weaved through conversation, Tatsuki sending her looks saying, 'See? Aren't they great?' Orihime agreed. She was upset when it was time to go back home, but the twins made it better when they asked her to come over again so they could play. Masaki smiled warmly at her and Isshin assured her that she was always welcome at the Kurosaki Clinic. Orihime was walked home by Tatsuki and went to bed, not doing any homework because it was a Friday.

Orihime stared up at the dark ceiling, when something occurred to her. She never saw the little grinning boy from the pictures. Who was he? He looked like he was a family member, but he wasn't there and the Kurosakis made no mention of him. Orihime wondered why, but she didn't dwell on it. It was probably nothing anyway, maybe he was a cousin or something.

Orihime fell asleep and woke up again and lived her life. She didn't think about that little orange-haired boy, even when she returned to the Kurosaki Clinic.

Orihime lived her life in blissful ignorance, unaware of the future, and the role that boy would play in its making.

* * *

Ashido Kanō was not, by any stretch of the word, foolish. Yes, he did have some trust issues and may be a bit unhinged, but he was not stupid. He of all people knew better than to hesitate when killing a Hollow, for a Shinigami's job is to purify the dark creatures and protect the afterlife. It was a rather straight-forward profession, it wasn't hard to believe Hollows were inherently evil and be done with it.

He was not vacuous, and yet here he was, second guessing himself, again.

The carmine-haired man crouched atop one of the lowest hanging branches in the Menos Forest, breathing hard as he fought to regain strength before retreating from the endless battles below him. His grey eyes watched the Menos Grande tearing at one another, his face still covered by his precious bull mask. His hand was pressed to his stomach, where a deep wound from an earlier battle still bled freely.

He had been sitting here for a while, simply watching the Hollows.

When Ashido was a newly-dead recruit at the Shin'ō Academy, he had been terrified at the very idea of Hollows. Mindless beasts with incredible power and a taste for souls? Yeah, he wanted nothing to do with those. And yet he agreed to become a Shinigami and fight those monsters, because his friends had wanted him to join them. The four people he was closest to in the world had asked him to follow them to freedom, and who was he to refuse their happiness? He had lived and fought with them for a long time in the Rukongai, defending each other and fighting to live another day. What kind of friend would he be if he discouraged their dreams?

_You shouldn't have let them go. You should have been stronger._

At the academy, the teachers had raved about how dangerous and threatening Hollows were, how they would eat them alive or kill them in a gruesome way if they were to lose. Hollows were evil, Hollows had no hearts, Hollows did not feel anything but hunger. They were savage monsters, they must be put down quickly. Of course, with the way everyone seemed scared of them, Ashido had believed them without thought.

Eventually, after many years of listening to the teachers' tales and the foreboding in Ashido increasing to new levels, the five of them had finally graduated from the academy, ready to face the world with their unnamed zanpakutō and fiery determination. All five of them had agreed to join the Thirteenth Division, all of them unseated Shinigami and most of them wanting to please their captain, Jūshirō Ukitake, and become seated officers. Ashido didn't really care much for being in the limelight, he honestly got a bad feeling about being a Shinigami, but he desired to make his friends happy.

_You idiot. You should have followed your instincts._

Everything was okay for a while. Ashido got some training from the Lieutenant, Kaien Shiba, and started to gain hope that he may one day achieve Shikai. One of his other friends was close, and another was already the fifteenth seat of their division, something he bragged about to no end. Ashido, along with the three others, would smile and shake their head at their friend's bloated ego. He was a good guy, but he was a bit of a show-off.

Things were going great until their particularly trigger-happy seventh seat, Kisi-something, had lead them through a Garganta.

_You should have saved them_

Ashido glared down at a Menos Grande that had recently won a fight with another of its kind, and was now devouring the previous one's remains.

Hollows had killed all his friends, Hollows had destroyed any chance Ashido had of living peacefully. They were horrible and blood-thirsty, selfish and were innately evil… weren't they?

Ashido growled at his thoughts, digging his hand not holding his stomach together into the tree. Hollows were the enemy, so why was he hesitating? They were thoughtless, disgusting creatures with no sense of self… but why...

'_Still in mid-air, the small Hollow turned to watch the Shinigami with its eerie golden eyes. The Shinigami, sword pointed downwards as the Menos Grande began to fade into blue reishi, turned to look at the small Hollow, grey eyes sharp. Grey and gold met and the Hollow slowly tilted its head in a hauntingly child-like gesture. The Shinigami's eyes widened.'_

Why was that Hollow different? It never even attempted to hurt Ashido, just dodging and later on _helping_ him. Why would the Hollow do such a thing?

Ashido could hazard a guess that the Hollow had been a child before death, something that involuntarily choked his heart. It wasn't fair for someone so young to die and become a monster, but that didn't change the fact the child was now a Hollow and needed to be killed.

So why didn't Ashido kill it? A monster is a monster, no matter how young. But… what defined a monster? Was it truly a monster if it had no desire to kill ones that didn't threaten it, outright refusing to hurt one that wasn't a monster, no matter the threat? Was that child really a creature of evil and darkness if it had only desired to help him?

A monster is a monster, but is the monster truly a monster? Is the world truly so black and white, or could there be shades of grey? Ashido didn't know, but he had learned a lesson many, many years ago. Trust your instincts.

That Hollow - no - that _child _deserved the benefit of the doubt. That conclusion went against everything he'd ever learned, but he couldn't deny it any longer.

He couldn't deny it like he had for years now.

In Hueco Mundo, it was truly impossible to tell time, considering the desert was in a state of perpetual night and the Menos Forest had no sky. Thanks to this, Ashido had to clue how long he had been slaying Hollows, if it had been some years or if it had been centuries. He didn't think he would ever know, considering he wasn't planning to leave this thrice-damned forest, he was determined to kill as many Hollows as possible until he could no more.

He didn't have a firm grasp on time, but he knew it had been over a year since he had first met the small orange-maned Hollow. Throughout his time in the forest Ashido had seen the little child multiple times, sometimes fighting a Menos Grande or Adjuchas, sometimes just flash-stepping through the trees. Every time the Hollow had either simply watched Ashido with its head cocked in that childlike way or assisted him in killing the Hollows. Ashido had always found it incredibly odd that the little thing had never once protested when Ashido purified a Hollow before it could be eaten, or that the child never once failed to stay with him until he threatened its life. No self-preservation instincts, that one.

Ashido had once come far too close to killing the tiny Hollow. Once, after a grueling battle with an Adjuchas, the Shinigami had grown frustrated with the orange-maned Hollow's refusal to leave and had lashed out with his zanpakutō. The sword had come perilously close to beheading the small child, actually slashing right through its Hierro and making blood fly. Ashido, much later, would be mind-numbingly ashamed when he realized the reason he had come so close to killing it was because the child had _trusted_ him, no matter how foolish that was.

The Hollow had screeched, before meeting Ashido's eyes with those eerie gold on black ones. It watched him for a moment, before using a weak sonido to get away.

Ashido couldn't remember ever feeling more penitent, which was an odd feeling to feel toward a Hollow.

He didn't understand why the Hollow continued to return after that, and he likely never would. And yet, quite often the child would find him again, fighting with him, before staying behind to stare at him before being shooed away again. The being trusted him. Why? Ashido had no idea.

But worry had started to gnaw at him. Ashido hadn't seen the little orange-maned thing for a long time. The frequent run-ins suddenly decreased to nothing. He traitorously hoped that the small Hollow wasn't dead, though the idea seemed more and more possible with each passing moment. Ashido didn't know why it disappeared without warning, but kept an eye out for bright orange.

Ashido stood up, grimacing as his wound screamed in protest. He would need to get to his base soon so he could heal the bloody thing properly.

"Graa!" Ashido unsheathed his zanpakutō and swung it to his right, cleaving right through the opposing Hollow that had launched itself at him. Ashido winced as the pain of his wound intensified, and couldn't muster up the energy to sheathe his sword. Gritting his teeth, he set off in a terribly slow Shunpo, moving east. He needed to get back to his base before an Adjuchas decided to swoop down on him.

It still amazed him how he could always find his base without fail, even though the Menos Forest had very few distinguishing landmarks. It was an odd, instinctual thing, and Ashido couldn't help but feel like his long-dead friends were assisting him in finding his way back every time.

He had chosen his base a long time ago, back when not all his friends were dead. The last one, Kouki, had told Ashido that his 'base' was more of a glorified knothole than anything else. And he wasn't completely wrong. It was a hole in a particularly large tree that stretched two meters in radius, with a rather stupid-looking, ratty black cloth covering the opening. It was no home, but it worked.

Ashido sighed in relief once he reached his base, confident that the Hollows wouldn't climb this far up. The knothole was near the roof of the Menos Forest, concealed from view and rather unassuming for a black splotch on a white tree.

Ashido, still gripping his zanpakutō limply with one hand and holding his stomach together with the other, opened the veil tacked over his base and stepped inside.

With the veil covering the opening, the inside of his base was near pitch-black. But with the cloth pulled aside, Ashido could clearly see the large knothole.

And the Hollow sitting placidly inside it.

Ashido blanched, gaping at the Hollow.

The Hollow rose its head, curled up on the pile of fabric Ashido called a bed.

"Wh-what…?" Ashido stuttered, before attempted to raise his zanpakutō. His arm wasn't listening to him.

The Hollow tilted its head in that all-too-familiar way, making Ashido flinch. Ashido tried to raise his sword again, but his body had shut down, the pain in his stomach preventing movement.

A Hollow had never found his base before, much less entered it and, by the looks of it, _sleep_ in it. This was unprecedented, but Ashido supposed that everything about the orange-maned Hollow was unprecedented.

It looked quite different than it had the last time he saw it, Ashido noted. Its ridiculous hair was longer and shaggier, its skull-like grinning mask sporting a few new red marks. Its claws were much longer and the crimson tribal tattoos were as common as white armor on the Hollow's skin. The biggest change though, was that the Hollow was no longer small. It took up most of the space inside the four-meter wide hole, a long tail swishing lazily behind it. It was still relatively small by Hollow standards, but very noticeably bigger. And muscly.

"What are you doing here?" Ashido asked tiredly, too exhausted to really care that he had a terrifying-looking Hollow in his base.

The Hollow made a warbly sound and leaned forward into Ashido's exasperated face, its gold on black eyes peeking out from behind its fear-inducing mask. Its tail whipped around and prodded Ashido lightly, making him sigh in defeat. He couldn't seem to ever escape this Hollow, could he?

Taking in its appearance, Ashido finally understood why the not-so-little guy had been gone for so long. It was now an Adjuchas, meaning it had been off in the Menos Forest, wandering as Menos Grande. It was strange how fast it had gained power. Ashido just hoped the Hollow remained friendly, for he was too injured to fight back right now.

The Hollow's long red and white tail soon found Ashido's stomach, and the carmine-haired Shinigami couldn't help from wincing violently when the pointed end grazed his wound. The Hollow growled a bit, leaning closer. Ashido set his face in a determined scowl. This Hollow found his weakness. It was going to kill him.

"Rraaaa…." the Hollow wrapped its tail around Ashido's waist and pulled him inside, a long claw closing the veil. The Hollow moved itself so it was between Ashido and the exit, and placed Ashido down on the pile of cloth.

"D-dammit…" Ashido braced himself. He couldn't fight back, meaning this was the end. At least he purified a lot of Hollows before his death.

There was another prod on Ashido's stomach, and his Shinigami uniform was parted, so the wound was visible. The Hollow leaned down, its mask's mouth parting and a pale tongue emerging.

Was it going to _lick_ him?

Indeed, it was. The orange-maned Hollow licked the bloody gash, and Ashido bit back a cry when the pale tongue seemed to burn him and made the skin on his stomach bubble like acid. Ashido knew he was dying, but then… the wound healed, right before his eyes.

'_Instant regeneration?!_' he thought amazedly, only the crusted blood on his uniform proving that he was ever hurt. '_No. Instant regeneration only works on the Hollow itself, not on others. Then how am I healed? Why?_'

And that was the crux of the matter. Why did the Hollow mend his gash? He'd tried to kill this being on multiple occasions, and yet here it was, treating his wound with no malice in its actions. Hollows are supposed to be blood-thirsty monsters, not protective healers.

The Hollow rose back up and padded away from Ashido, curling up in front of the exit. Ashido blinked at it. The being's golden eyes blinked right back, and Ashido swore he saw a warmness in its eyes before it closed them and rested its head.

"You are not normal," Ashido sighed, gingerly ghosting his fingers along where the gash once was.

Though the Hollow couldn't understand what the Shinigami was saying, it hummed in its melodic way, smiling behind its mask.

_To be continued..._


	7. Chapter 7 - Bona Fide

_Thank you: Ctornello, Darke13, Drake Vallion, ryuriedargon, hornet07, Antex- the Legendary Zoroark, Hanna kurosaki-chan, God of Spirits- Spirit Black, and the Guests._

_A/N: Writer's block is annoying as all hell; sorry for the wait, everyone. I got a review mentioning plot holes, and I would be happy to fix those up if they were pointed out. If anyone sees plot holes or the like, please mention them to me. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. Enjoy._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach_

Shadow Ataraxia

Chapter Seven

Bona Fide

'_Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.' _-Buddha

Gin Ichimaru, Captain of the Third Division of the Gotei 13, was bored to tears. I mean _really_, what did Aizen think he was doing sending Gin to watch over a little kid? Kids were annoying and well… he's _Gin_. He's no good with kids, hell, he's no good with people in general. It made no sense that he of all people was sent to look after this child.

And yet, here he was.

Gin, his reiatsu suppressed to a point of non-existence, watched with vague disinterest as the former Ichigo Kurosaki ripped into _another _Hollow. '_The kid's scary,_' Gin admitted privately, just as the Hollow that was once Ichigo began feasting on the unidentifiable lump of bloody flesh that used to be an Adjuchas. This was the eighteenth killing Gin had witnessed today, and Gin was sure that the little monster had eaten more before he got there.

'_Do make sure he is well-fed, he said_,' Gin thought to himself, '_So far I haven't even really done anythin' ta help him, 'cept kill that Adjuchas fer him. Creepy. And Aizen's prolly plannin' ta make the kid an Espada. That doesn't bode well._'

If Gin was a bit more empathetic, he would've winced as another Hollow was bisected with the kid's scarily long claws.

'_Aizen doesn't need another powerhouse, he already has Barragan an' Harribel. Ichigo Kurosaki is bound ta be strong, he's already on the way ta Vasto Lorde. If Aizen gets his hands on him… I may not get my chance,_' Gin frowned, for he was not a loyal soldier. He had his own agenda, and said agenda involved killing that bespectacled bastard. No way was he letting Aizen become too strong to kill.

Gin, once again, witnessed another mindless slaughter as another Hollow's chest caved under the orange-maned Hollow's fist. Jeez, this kid was brutal. Then again, he was a Hollow. Hollows don't tend to care much for the little things: like mercy.

'_What can I do, though?' _Gin wondered, '_I can lie ta Aizen 'bout the kid's strength, but honestly there is no way he won't find out eventually. Kill 'im? If it comes to that, but I can't now. For all I know, the kid'll wanna go against Aizen instead.'_

Gin scowled, eyes scanning the endless white desert and equally pale trees. Nope, no camera flies. It seemed like Aizen finally trusted him enough to give an honest report. Or this was some mind-numbingly intricate test.

"Grreeeee!" the Hollow that was once Kurosaki screeched as it fought with yet another Hollow, a low-level Menos, clawing and discharging ceros left and right. Gin flash-stepped away as one red doom blast threatened to punch a hole in his chest. He opened his eyes ever so slightly to glare at the former Kurosaki, but obviously the child couldn't see him, so it was for naught.

Dammit. He didn't want to be stuck babysitting a Hollow when he could be sifting through Aizen's experiment reports or practicing with Shinsō. He had better things to do, yet he had to do Aizen's bidding, lest he suspect Gin. It was annoying, but Gin knew where to draw his lines.

According to the records in Soul Society, the Third Division's taichō was currently on Hollow duty in Hueco Mundo, which was so true it was hilarious. Usually they (they meaning Aizen, Tōsen, and him) had to bullshit their way through so that they could take extra-long trips to the realm of the Hollows, but for once their mission was pretty accurate.

The Hollow kid finished its adversary off with a whip of its tail, and next thing the opposing Menos knew, it was knocked out cold. Then dead. Very dead.

The menacing-looking child gobbled up another Hollow (it _really _didn't need Gin's help) and licked the blood from its sickeningly long claws.

"Who'th you?" came a voice to the left of Gin. The silver-haired Shinigami stiffened and backed into the darkness, not wishing to be seen.

The Hollow looked up, looking way too curious for a blood-thirsty monster.

Standing a few meters away was a small little girl with neal hair and a cracked mask on her head. She looked at the Adjuchas with big, brown eyes and look of curiosity on her face that could be described as 'adorable' were you not Gin Ichimaru.

The Hollow slowly stalked up to what could only be an Arrancar and snuffled in her face, making the girl giggle.

Far behind her, two other Arrancar were screaming, "NEL!" and flailing their arms dramatically. The Hollow growled, a particularly alarming sound, but the child Arrancar just smiled down at the former Kurosaki - who was actually significantly taller than her, but had a habit of walking around on all fours.

"It'th okay," she said, patting the Hollow on its head, much to its visual confusion, "'Dose are Nel'th bwudders, they're vewy nice."

"RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!" they both screeched, and Gin was quite sure that even the Espada in Las Noches could hear those two. Once they were at Nel's side, the skinnier of the two with a bug-like mask leapt at Kurosaki, and tried to karate chop the Hollow on the head.

His hand whacked pitifully against the Adjuchas' mask, not even denting it. The Hollow stared up at him balefully, golden eyes narrowed a bit as if it was trying to understand just what the hell this stranger was trying to do.

"Yow!" the bug-like Arrancar clutched his hand, crying and curling into a ball on the sand.

"Pethche! That wathn't vewy nice!" Nel shouted, then turned on Kurosaki, "And ya coulda hurt Nel'th bwudder and den we'd only be Banditth: Nel-Don!"

"Kyah?" the Hollow looks down at Pesche, still writhing in apparent pain, then to Nel, who was giving him a very serious look that didn't quite fit on her plump face and had her small hands at her waist in clear disapproval. One of its claws went up to touch its mask, and it seemed to wonder why its mask hurt the Arrancar.

The third Arrancar, a giant, colorful thing, kneeled down next to Nel and spoke in an exaggerated whisper, "Nel, we gotta get outta here, dats a dangerous Hollow, don'tcha know."

"Dain-jer-os?" Nel pronounced awkwardly, glancing between her unhurt brother, hurt brother, and the Hollow, "No, he didn't mean it, didja?"

It tilted its head.

"Thee?" Nel said triumphantly, as if that was an indication of its innocence.

"Begone, evildoer!" Pesche, who had recovered himself, flew to his feet, pointing righteously at Kurosaki. The Hollow backed up slightly, tail flicking behind it.

"He ithn't evil! He didn't mean ta hurt ya, Pethche!" Nel insisted, then looked at Kurosaki, "Maybe he could play with uth! Then we'd be… What'th your name?"

The Adjuchas shook its head a bit, warbling at them.

"Kiyo?" Nel's eyes lit up, "Ith that your name?"

Kurosaki, who still wasn't capable of speech, just stared blankly at her. Nel squealed.

"Yay! Now we're Bandits: Nel-Don-Pe-Ki!"

"Nel-" Pesche gave her an incredous look, "He can't join us! Can't you see the murder in his eyes?!"

The Adjuchas's golden eyes blinked back guilelessly at Pesche, who continued pointing at it like 'killer' was written in blood on its face. Then again, the Hollow was still standing on the corpse of its last meal.

"Don't be thilly!" Nel shook her head, "C'mon, Kiyo, let'th play Eternal Tag!"

It looked between the three of them, tail flicking almost anxiously, "Rah?"

"C'mon! Try ta catch me!" Nel went bolting off, Pesche and the third Arrancar shooting one another looks before running after her. It hesitated for a moment, looking down at hole to the Menos Forest.

It sneezed, shook its head, then followed the Arrancar.

A minute after Kurosaki had disappeared in a flit of sonido, Gin reappeared, staring off after them.

Why was he always given the strange jobs? Why couldn't he just spy on another taichō or a Central Forty-Six member or something? Why did he have to babysit a Shinigami and Quincy child turned Hollow turned friendly, lizard monster? Why him?

Despite that, he had gained rather useful information. At least now they knew where the former Tercera Espada had run off to.

Gin decided that he had spent enough time watching over Ichigo Kurosaki. He leapt out of the tree he was standing upon, shunpoing toward the palace in the distance; he had a report to give.

* * *

Karin Kurosaki was many things - a soccer enthusiast, a nine-year-old girl, a twin - but she was not, in any way shape or form, a coward. No, Karin was a girl with courage, a girl who would sooner punch someone and speak her mind than back down. She'd grown up that way, her parents always encouraging her to stand up to bullies and defend her beliefs. That was her way of life.

But, there are always exceptions, always a limit to just how much one can take before breaking down. Karin had never reached that limit, but honestly, she felt like she was getting close to losing it. Because Karin was scared.

Because Karin could see monsters.

It hadn't been happening for very long, she vividly remembered a time when she saw only things that normal people could see, a time when visiting the graveyard didn't elicit a feeling of jittery fear. But ever since Karin had visited her brother's grave a month back, she could see things that she shouldn't see. Crying children missing limbs, scared adults with chains connected to their chests. Monsters with white masks and holes where their hearts should be.

Karin was too young to even consider not telling her parents, so tell them she did. Sadly, the first person Karin went to was her mother.

Masaki had had a nervous breakdown on the spot.

"_No, no, no, no, not again_," she had whispered to herself, hands digging to her hair and eyes dilating with a foreign sort of terror. Karin hadn't understoof what was going on, even as her father hugged Masaki tightly and muttered nonsense words of comfort. She didn't know what had brought on such a response from her mother.

It would take a few years for Karin to understand why.

Isshin, surprisingly, had taken the news well, and succeeded in calming down his wife before she could do something drastic. Masaki had had to go to her bedroom to regain herself, and Karin had been given a bear hug from her dad.

"We'll explain soon, Karin. For now just stay away from them and tell me whenever you see a monster," Isshin had said, ruffling his daughter's short hair. Karin had nodded, then went to find her sister.

And so she waited, but Karin was scared. Why did she see people with chains on their chests? Why did she see monsters?

And then Yuzu saw them. They had been eating dinner one night when Yuzu had frowned and looked over her mother's shoulder, before asking who 'the sad man with the chain' was. Masaki had needed to go into her room again.

Neither twin understood why they could see strange people others couldn't see or why their mother and father were reluctant to tell them anything. Karin went from scared to confused, then finally angry. Why wouldn't they tell them anything?!

And so Karin had talked to Tatsuki, the twins' closest friend.

"_They're everywhere! I can't even play a soccer game without one popping up outta the ground! It's really annoying. Yuzu sees them too, but my parents won't talk to us about it, even though I'm sure they believe us. Kaa-san freaks out whenever I even imply seeing them, but her and Tou-san won't talk about it! I just don't know what's going on anymore!" Karin had raged, gesturing wildly._

_Tatsuki, who was sitting placidly on her bed, said, "Seeing monsters and things that normal people can't see… odd, but I believe you. I sometimes see strange shadows, I wonder if that's anything like this. And your mom freaked out? Is she okay?"_

"_I don't think so, she's been feeling even worse than usual lately," Karin sighed, rubbing her forehead._

Karin remembered a time when her mother was bright and cheerful, with an infectious sense of humor and a strong voice that was never ignored. Her mom was like a sun, drawing in everyone around her. She was still just as kind and motherly, but after what happened four years ago, something inside her mom just… broke. There was no other word for it. All of a sudden, jokes were sparse and smiles were weak, words were soft and her protectiveness bordered on obsession.

"_I see," Tatsuki's eyes darkened a bit, "Well, your dad said he'd talk to you, right? Just wait a bit longer, he might tell you both what's going on soon. If not, then you should confront him."_

"_Okay. Thanks Tatsuki."_

And so Karin went back to waiting, she went to school and paid little attention to the instructor's teachings, but she began hyper-aware at family meals, searching for a clue to what had been going on. Just one slip-up, just an inkling of the truth.

Yuzu, surprisingly, was the first to break.

"Tou-san, what's going on?" Yuzu asked as she stepped in front of the television, blocking Isshin's view of the baseball game.

Isshin looked bewildered, "What, Yuzu?"

"What is going on?" Yuzu repeated slowly, her doe-like brown eyes suddenly sharp.

Karin placed down the plate she was washing in the sink (it was her turn to clean the dishes) and joined Yuzu in a physical representation of their defiance.

"You said we would talk Tou-san," Karin said, "So let's talk."

Isshin gaped and looked terrified at being cornered by his two daughters out of nowhere, but that soon bled away and was replaced by a somber seriousness.

"Okay. Sit here, I'll get your mother," Isshin said as he stood and walked upstairs. Karin did as she was told and sat, but her twin was either too angry or too impatient to join her. A full minute later, a grim-looking Isshin and nervous Masaki came back down the stairs and sat across from their two living children.

There was a moment of quiet before anyone spoke, Karin calm as a lake, Yuzu now clearly agitated, Masaki a bundle of nerves and her husband's face set in stone.

"We didn't want to tell you, not now, not ever," Isshin started, looking his little girls in the eyes, identical brown eyes meeting, "We thought it was for the best that none of you ever know about the other world and… we hoped that you three would never be able to see them."

Karin and Yuzu froze. _Three._

"It was a mistake. We knew that we needed to tell you both, but we put it off… your mother and I wanted to wait until you two were old enough to understand."

"See what? Understand what?" Karin whispered, knowing that what her father was about to say would change everything.

"Understand what it means to see ghosts."

There was a long silence, and Karin and Yuzu just stared at their father in shock. _Ghosts? _That's what they had been seeing?

Masaki let out a quiet sob, hunched over with her hands covering her face. Isshin put a comforting arm around his wife, looking as if he was close to breaking down as well.

"Your brother could see them too, for his whole life," Isshin stated, pain in his voice, "You probably don't remember, but he would sometimes talk to them and would bring them gifts, even though we both tried to keep him out of it."

"Onii-chan… he saw them, just like us?" Yuzu was tearing up, just like she always did at the smallest mention of their big brother. Karin was well on the way to joining her, despite her efforts against such an outcome.

"Yes," Masaki spoke suddenly, "He saw them, just like you two. Ichigo loved… he loved it. He loved talking to ghosts, but he could never… never tell them apart from the living."

"Wait," Karin made a 'T' with her hands, "Onii-chan had it, and we now have it, can you two see them? There's no way that's a coincidence."

Masaki was silent again, but reached out and took the suddenly despairing Yuzu's hand, making her smile through tears.

Isshin sighed heavily, a hand raking through his dark hair, "You're right, Karin, just like always. Your mother can see them, but I can't, at least not anymore."

"Anymore?" Yuzu asked tearfully, finally sitting down.

"I… I'm what they call a Shinigami," Isshin said slowly, "My job was to lead souls to the afterlife safely, but through certain circumstances, I lost my powers."

"Shinigami? As in death god?" Karin frowned, confused. No way in heaven or hell her dad was a god, must be some sort of agency or something. Their father was a good man, and he had his calm moments, but she could not see such a nutcase being in charge of anything but her and her sister.

"Yes. We're not gods, but that is the gist of it," Isshin said, "I came down from Soul Society - the afterlife - on a mission and met your mother. I lost my powers and decided to stay here, next thing I knew we were in love."

Isshin smiled weakly, hugging Masaki, who leaned into him and looked up at her girls.

"I'm a Quincy, a special kind of human that can see spirits and fight the bad ones," Masaki stated softly.

"Tou-chan," Yuzu was frowning, tears still in her brown eyes, "If you're a death god from heaven, does that mean you're dead?"

Isshin winced, "In the most technical sense. I was born in Soul Society, I was never really a living human."

Both girls looked horrified.

"Do you know where Onii-chan is?!" Yuzu exclaimed, standing up, "He's in heaven, right? Is Onii-chan okay?!"

Isshin opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, then looked away. Masaki stood up and hugged her youngest daughter.

"He's in heaven, honey. We don't know exactly where he is, heaven is a big place, but he's there. Ichigo's probably practicing his karate and making a bunch of new friends. He's okay," Masaki assured Yuzu, who began crying again. Karin wiped away a stray tear, a burden lifted from her shoulders that she had been unaware of until that moment, '_Onii-chan is okay.'_

Karin stood up and joined the hug, Isshin followed suit. The family of four, once a family of five, hugged each other, assuring one another that they were okay, they weren't going to lose another. They were okay, everyone was okay, even their dead brother.

She imagined Ichigo playing by a brook in some far away place, laughing with faceless children. Ichigo practicing his karate in a brightly-lit dojo, a girl that looked suspiciously like Tatsuki with him. Ichigo grinning _at her_, beckoning her to come play with him.

Karin smiled to herself, having no idea just how wrong they all were.

Things were changing, and everything was far from okay.

* * *

Uryū Ishida - twelve, almost thirteen years old - shifted from one foot to the other, expertly hiding his frustration. His eyes flickered to the window and back multiple times, as if checking to see if the world had gone anywhere when he was looking away.

"-simply splendid academic performance, I swear, he hasn't missed a single homework assignment!" The smiley woman said, sifting through Uryū's records with a look of awe on her face, "I think he's more than capable of skipping a grade… or two!"

Sitting across the desk from the vice-principal, Ryūken Ishida simply blinked at the woman, adjusting his glasses.

"...I see. Now why exactly have you pulled me away from my work, Oshiro-san?" Ryūken asked tersely, clearing agitated that he wasn't at the hospital stitching up someone's stomach or something of that nature. Uryū clenched a fist, a familiar anger rising up in him at Ryūken's apathetic treatment of the world.

"Oh," Oshiro-sensei blinked her big blue eyes, looking like a startled cat. She cleared her throat, "Oh, yes. I wanted to discuss possible arrangements we could make for Uryū-kun. He'll be starting his final year of middle school this coming September, but I believe he could very well attend high school when the summer ends."

"No," Ryūken said sharply. Uryū stiffened, feeling cold, "I don't want him gaining a bigger ego than he already has-"

"Ryūken!" Uryū hissed.

"He has become much too full of himself, attending high school a year early will only encourage that behavior."

Oshiro-sensei looked mystified, "But surely-"

"I've been away from my work too long," Ryūken stood up, turning around to face opposite of where Uryū was standing, "Good day."

Uryū seethed, both his fists clenched and face screwed up as his so-called father left the room without even glancing at him.

"Uryū-kun," Oshiro-sensei stood up, her hands laid flat on her desk, "Is your father well? He seems distraught… may I speak with your mother?"

Uryū - still glaring at the door - said, "My mother is dead, and Ryūken is no father of mine."

Oshiro-sensei gaped, and was apparently rendered mute, as she didn't say or do anything as Uryū left the room.

He stormed outside, not even glancing at his father as he walked home. Ryūken got in his car and drove off to the hospital, leaving Uryū alone, as he had always been. At least, as he had always been since his grandfather was murdered because of those _Shinigami_.

"Gah!" Uryū twisted around and kicked a brick wall, letting all his rage power the kick. He didn't even flinch as his big toe made an alarming cracking sound, didn't let pain cloud his eyes. He had felt much worse.

A passing couple was startled at his sudden display of violence and flounced off. He paid them no mind.

Uryū didn't care much for anything these days, except perhaps the familiar and disgusting reiatsu that pulled at his senses even from miles away.

There, past the high school and the mall, a Shinigami and his children lived within a clinic. They didn't belong in Karakura Town, they didn't belong in the Living World!

The Kurosaki family wouldn't be there much longer, Uryū thought venemously. He'd make sure of it.

_To be continued..._


End file.
